The Bachelor - H.S.

Chapter 11

Today is the 3rd rose ceremony. I spent the entire day soaking myself in the shower and painting my nails and curling my hair to make sure everything is perfect, because I'm seeing Harry tonight.

No, I don't like him. Well, I mean, of course I like him, as I like all my friends with benefits. I like kissing him, I like touching him, and I like when he touches me, obviously. That doesn't mean anything special- it means that he may earn himself a spot as another notch in my belt once I leave the show.

Still, I want to look nice. I guess there's no need to, since I already have the rose from my first group date this week- the rose that was given to me by a pleading, desperate Harry. But still, I want to look nice. I like to see the light spark within a boys eyes when he see's me all done up for the first time in a while. It's exciting, and I especially like how it'll look in Harry's beautiful green eyes.

I sit with Kiana and Tanya in our room now, helping them decide what to wear tonight. I already know what I'll be dressed in, but they're still undecided. In the past 2 days I've grown closer to them and have started to appreciate their company a whole lot more, especially after getting a taste of how my experience here would be without them via the group date the other night.

"Ok, red or blue?" Kiana inquires.

"Definitely blue." I respond, trying not to let on how distracted I really am. I can't stop thinking about the dress I'm wearing tonight. I know Harry will love it. 

Maybe he'll love Kiana's more, a nagging thought pushes through, but I try to force it out of my mind for now. I'm not going to let my brain ruin anything tonight.

After another hour Tanya also decides on an outfit, and we find there's only 2 hours before the cocktail party is due to start, and while Kiana jumps in the shower, I start on my make up. I'm trying my very hardest tonight, and I can't exactly tell why.

Sure, last rose ceremony I had been excited to see Harry, but I feel a whole lot different now. More eager to impress- the feeling is familiar. I chalk it down to the fact that Harry and I have shared more than a few sexual experiences this week. This happens with every other guy I've had these sorts of relations with, too. As soon as they show me a good time, I feel the need to become desirable- something ingrained within me by now, I assume.

I decide to push aside the reasoning for my feelings, which are normal and definitely not anything special, and continue to get ready. I try my damnedest at a highlight and contour and keep perfectly still while applying my eyeliner. An hour passes and I've finally finished.

I touch up my hair and finally it's time to slip into the dress I picked out a day in advance. It's plain black, nothing over the top, two thin straps hold the top together while the neckline sinks low on my chest- lower than any other cocktail dress I've worn before. It's tight material- figure hugging- and stops just above my mid thighs.

Most would consider it short, but I feel right at home in the length. It's plain, but it doesn't have to be flashy, my body does most of the work. It's my go-to dress.

Once I manage to pull it on successfully and zip it up, not without a lot of help from Kiana and Tanya, I slip on my matching black stilettos, finding there's only a half hour before Harry is due to show and the cameras are scheduled to begin rolling.

I wander downstairs with Tanya and Kiana on either of my sides and feel good. I feel good about what I'm wearing and absolutely good about the fact that I'm going to see Harry tonight. I push away the small fear that this rose ceremony may turn out like the last- that Harry might completely ignore and humiliate me, but I know that nothing seriously damaging can happen- I already have a rose.