The Bachelor - H.S.

Chapter 18

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!! This is late as hell but I've been very, very busy. Thank you for waiting, I hope you enjoy, and I love you all :)

L

***

I'm still flustered as the rose ceremony ends, the camera's lower, and our mic's are removed. Instead of having time alone now to mull over the horrifying information I've just learned, I find that the producers are rushing us to pack our bags. We're flying to Italy tonight.

The rest of the girls and myself are given exactly 1 hour to gather all our things and somehow stuff them into our suitcases. Once everybody is ready to go we're chauffeured to the airport hurriedly and are boarding our plane.

All the girls chatter among themselves with excitement, no doubt ecstatic at the opportunity to go to Italy. I should be too, I would be too, if it were not for Astrid and Luke lingering in the back of my mind.

I take my aisle seat after stuffing my carry-on into the overhead compartment, sit, and begin to think. Maybe I need to step back and gain a little perspective here.

First of all, I don't know exactly what Astrid was asking Luke about in the first place. Technically, she didn't even mention my name- although I know they were discussing me- the problem is that she could have been asking anything about me. Just because she was begging Luke for information about myself doesn't necessarily mean she was inquiring about my past. She already knows about Harry and I behind the scenes, so if Luke told her more of that kind of information, then there's not much more for me to worry about.

Second of all, I have no idea if Luke ended up even telling her. He sounded pretty determined in the beginning until she, well, she went down on him- but even then he may have stood his ground. Maybe he told her a lie in place of the truth when she finally asked? I have no idea what Astrid knows currently, because I wasn't present to witness the end of their discussion. As far as I can be certain, Astrid has not learned anything new.

With these thoughts in mind, I realize there's no reason psyching myself out over something that may potentially be of no consequence. As it is already, I do not need to add anymore stress to my life on this show. Maybe if I make sure to acknowledge the Astrid situation, but not worry about it 24 hours of the day, I may still be able to maintain my spot on the roster. There's no use in being upset about something I don't know is 100% true.

I sigh and decide to de-prioritize this dilemma. Although it is threatening, and certainly astonishing, I can't let it make me anymore anxious than I already feel. Harry and I aren't exactly in a stellar position in our relationship right now. That situation should be cause for my worry more than anything else. Harry matters. Astrid doesn't.

During the rose ceremony tonight- or yesterday? I can't tell, I have no idea what time it is- I didn't want to be anywhere near Harry, but I do remember feeling eager to see him when I initially arrived to the rooftop scene. Sure, he may have made a stupid choice trusting Luke, but I've made plenty of stupid choices this week that he's already forgiven me for. I feel as though forgiveness will solve my problems a lot more quickly than conviction and bitterness...

I sigh and resolve to close my eyes and pray for sleep. I've never been good at sleeping on planes, but currently I feel exhausted, so maybe tonight will be an exception. After the aircraft has taken off and I constantly rearrange my position in a desperate attempt to get comfortable for half an hour, I feel a gentle nudge on my shoulder.

I open my eyes grudgingly and find a flight attendant staring down at me with a very plastic smile. I frown a little at the disturbance and wonder what could be going on. It certainly isn't time for meals yet, and I'm not blocking the path down the aisle. What does she need me for?