The Bachelor - H.S.

Chapter 15

I wake the next morning with a pounding head, unable to open my eyes due to the pain that's inevitably going to accompany the bright sunlight pouring through my hotel window. For a moment my hangover is the only thing I can focus on, but then memories from last night come flooding back into my mind and I know that I'm no longer in any position to ignore what happened.

Harry beat that man up... what was his name? Chad? Brian? I can't remember, but I do remember Harry drawing blood and throwing him to the ground. I remember yelling that I had it under control, Harry ignoring me, then Harry finally starting to figure out what horrors my past really holds.

Last night I found Harry to be in the wrong- he was, wasn't he? I could have handled myself, I could have escaped the situation unscathed, or at least that's what I thought in that moment... As I begin to think about the events of last night without my judgement impaired by the influence of alcohol, I realize that maybe the situation was not as calm as I interpreted it to be.

I realize that I probably would have been in a lot more trouble if Harry hadn't showed up and stopped... Sam? Jake?

This realization makes me feel terrible. I shouted at Harry for saving me. He didn't deserve that kind of treatment, especially when he put himself at risk to ensure my security. I should have thanked him with open arms last night instead of running away, disgracefully ungrateful.

I've also come to realize that I've continued to keep the truth from Harry. I didn't own up to my past, even when Harry questioned why I thought I was so prepared to handle the situation I was thrown into last night. I've dealt with drunk, aggressive guys coming onto me before- I usually know how to diffuse the tension and come out unharmed- but I gave Harry no explanation for why I know all that I do.

Of course, I still absolutely can't reveal the truth about my past, but I hope that Harry will be willing to settle for an apology on my part rather than a true explanation of exactly why I'm able to handle myself around men off their hinges. I've tried to leave that part of my life behind me and I know my position on the show will be in significant danger if Harry, or any of the women, ever become clued into what used to be my reality.

Although I can't tell Harry about that, I can apologize for being an unequivocal ass after he saved me. Who knows what that horrible man could have done to me, especially while I was inebriated and hardly capable of thinking reasonably. Sure, I wasn't black-out drunk, but I definitely wasn't sober enough to properly deal with the situation.

I mentally scold myself and realize I must attempt an apology at some point. The next time I'll be seeing Harry is in another 2 days and I hope beyond hope he's not too mad at me. After all, not only did I flirt with a random man right in front of him, but I was also the most unappreciative bitch after being rescued.

I sigh, annoyed at myself, and roll out of bed slowly. I hardly feel up to conversing with the other women right now, but I know I must appear as if nothing is out of the ordinary after the events of last night if I want to keep my spot on the show safe.

I groggily drag myself into the shower, finding it unoccupied by either Kiana or Tanya. I leisurely wash my hair and body, relishing the few moments I have alone, at no risk of disturbance, and attempt to silence the thoughts telling me that I've ruined the relationship Harry and I had begun to build.

2 weeks ago I would have felt bad about shouting at Harry only because it put my place on the show at risk. Now, I find that's hardly the reason for the disgust I feel with myself. Harry and I had been getting along so well up until last night. I've forgotten all about our misunderstanding back in LA and I'm starting to feel something... weird. Something I haven't felt before. I can hardly put a name to it, but it scares me. Now, however, it seems I've ruined whatever those feelings stemmed from along with any favour Harry may have felt towards me.