Chapter 4: Driven to insecurity

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Yep, we were definitely driving away from the centre of Vegas, I conclude as I watch the bright lights and tall buildings recede in the side mirror.

"Ummm I know I'm not from around these parts but isn't the city back that way?" I pointed a thumb over my shoulder.

"Well, there's definitely nothing wrong with your sense of direction huh? There's more to Vegas than just the strip. I want to show you one of my favourite places before braving the crowds back there. I told you its a surprise."

I settle back into the bucket seat and watched as the scenery became more rugged and we began to ascend into the mountainous terrain of the Nevada desert.

"You're not going to bump me off and leave me to the vultures are you?" I joke as we ventured further into the desolate landscape.

"Don't tempt me." Zak shot back not missing a beat. I mean I was only kidding but I was also acutely aware that we hadn't seen another car for at least twenty minutes and I had no idea where I was. I was in Zak's domain now and it put me on my back foot being in unfamiliar territory surrounded by unfamiliar people. It changed the dynamic of our relationship somewhat and it was going to take some getting used to. I know that I'm feeling uneasy about Saturday and the big reveal. Zak, Aaron and Cece have done their best to get me prepared, my family have reassured me that they have my back but I still can't shake the apprehension I have. I concentrate on the fact that in a couple of days time it will be done and Zak and I can concentrate on the short time we have together before I have to leave again.

"Penny." Zak's voice brings me out of my head and back into the car.

"Hmmm?"

Penny for your thoughts, you've gone very quiet I haven't heard a smartass remark for at least ten minutes, is everything ok?" He glanced at me as he expertly manoeuvred the car around the winding road.

"Yeah, just thinking about Saturday and stuff."

"You're worried?"

"A little," I admit. "I guess I just don't know what to expect and I am so far out of my comfort zone its kind of putting me on edge."

"You don't have to you know. I can do this alone, keep all of this a secret." Zak's tone took me by surprise. His annoyance was poorly disguised and his white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel exuded anger.

"That's not what I meant." I began.

"Then what exactly do you mean? Sounds to me like you're having second thoughts."

"Zak, I was just telling you what was on my mind, at no point have I considered backing out. That's not even an option for me, I need to be there so I can support you."

"Really? Well, you don't have to put yourself out for my benefit."

"What? What the hell's gotten into you? I don't even know what I could have said or done to make you feel like I was making some big sacrifice by supporting you and telling the world that we love each other. I'm nervous at how the news might be received, that's all." I raise my hands in exasperation, thoroughly bamboozled by Zak's reaction.

"So you haven't changed your mind?"
"No! Jesus! Not even close! I'm in a strange place, surrounded in the most part by strangers, preparing to be thrown into the public eye and face cameras, journalists and my boyfriend's family, friends and extremely loyal fans. My god, I am so fucking nervous, but do I want to back out? Hell no! The thought hadn't even occurred to me! Seriously, why would you even think that?" I was hurt by Zak's assumption that as soon as I found the going a little tough that I would bail on him. I fought a demon for him yet that didn't seem to be proof enough of my loyalty and love for him. The fact that he didn't answer me hurt even more. I turn away and stare out the window as rocks and sand fly by, I don't understand what just happened or why.

We travel in silence for another half an hour or so, winding our way higher and higher. I should have been enjoying the drive but instead, the landscape passes in a blur as I am lost in thought. I don't move as we slow down and pull into a partially hidden small gravelled area just off the road, you would miss it if you didn't know what to look out for. Zak turns off the engine and I feel my seatbelt go slack as he pops it free. I shrug it off my shoulder but refuse to face him, I climb out of the car and slam the door behind me. I have no idea where we are or what we are doing here so I lean against the car door my arms crossed and waited. It was only seconds before Zak walked around the back of the car and leant against it next to me.

"I'm sorry." He says quietly not looking at me.

"Want to tell me what the hell that was all about?' I ask turning towards him, he scrapes the gravel with the toe of his shoe, still not meeting my eye.

"I really have no excuse, just a shit explanation. I'm a little stressed out with the museum but I can handle that, I guess in the past month I have been back here surrounded by a lot of fake people that give me false promises and tell me what I want to hear rather than the truth. I am so happy that you're here and having your unconditional support is a whole new situation for me, to have someone truly care about my needs? I'm not used to that, so I thought that maybe you were just telling me what you thought I wanted to hear too." While I appreciated his honesty I felt my anger flare. Standing in front of him I waited until he actually had the balls to look at me.

"Don't you dare put me in the same box as those people. I have only ever been honest with you, I fought for you, I am most definitely not here just to see what I can gain from you. It's really fucking insulting and hurtful that it would even cross your mind as a possibility." I refuse to cry, I was not going to cry, even though all I really wanted to do was cry, oh and maybe give him a bit of a slap. Zak lowered his eyes again.

" I'm so sorry sweetie, it was stupid of me. I've been so caught up in everything, missing you so much, I wasn't thinking straight. I know you better than that I know I do." The remorse in his words and on his face was absolutely plain to see but I need him to trust me and my motives.

"You need to properly trust me, Zak, I'm here for you, nothing else. Please don't insult me and push me away by thinking otherwise." I implore him gently.

"I do honestly I do. I promise. This was just a silly little wobble, I know better, I let my insecurities run away with me." He takes hold of my hands and searches my face for any sign of forgiveness.

"You're a dickhead, do you know that?" I ask just to make sure he knows that he's been an idiot.

"Yeah, I know." He concedes looking down at our clasped hands.

"Do you also know that I love you?" He looks up and a small hopeful smile plays on his lips.

"You must do to put up with my shit." His smile turns into a grin as I roll my eyes at him.

"Yeah, that's right so don't you frigging forget it!" I frown at him as he continues to grin some more.

"You're eyes get all dark and scary when you're angry." He chuckles.

"Well don't make me angry and I won't get all scary eyes at you will I?"

"I am truly sorry sweetie, I love you so much it scares me a little. I don't mean to push you away." He chews his lip and my heart melts.

"You never have to be scared with me." He pulls me towards him and rests his forehead against mine. I brush my lips over his and he pulls me in tighter. "I would never intentionally hurt you," I speak into the hollow of his neck as he nuzzles my hair. Three months ago never in a million years would I have thought I would have to reassure the self-confident, cocky demon hunter Zak Bagans, that he was loved by me and yet here we are. My life had taken the strangest of turns, but as Zak kissed me it just confirmed that I wouldn't change it for the world, moon nor stars.



Hey, peeps just a quick note. Firstly, I hope you are liking Hexed so far, thank you as always for the reads, comments and likes, it really is much appreciated! Secondly, thanks for being patient with my slower updates. In all honesty I have found getting this started a bit of a challenge but I'm starting to get into more of a flow with it now, just trying not to let life get in the way too much but I will be updating at least a couple of times a week but will always try for more. Umm, I think that's all I had to say. Let me know if there's anything you feel like is working well or not so much. Cheers me dears! *GM*

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