Childfree - A handbook for the curious

Communicate communicate communicate!

I am sometimes asked, "How can I do that to my husband?" And I always proudly reply, we are on the same page. If my husband had wanted kids, I never would have married him. As much as I love him, I could never force him to be childless, it had to be his choice as well. When we decided that we wanted to spend the rest of lives together, we discussed in detail what that meant. We have the type of relationship where we talk about anything and everything, and top of that list was whether we would have children. Being that we had been best friends we know how we felt, but we discussed at length what that meant in the long run. We made an agreement if one of us changed our mind at any point we would discuss it and if the other was not willing to waiver we would part. It sounds like a big thing, because it is.

Imagine being married to someone for five years, and they say to you, "So when are we having kids?" And you know you never intended to have kids, and you still don't desire to do so, what would you do? Tell them the marriage shattering truth at that point? Encourage them to have kids with someone else? Have a child even though you don't want to? To avoid any unnecessary problems, tell them up front, it is only fair to you and your partner. Children can be a deal breaker in a relationship, and not having them can be just as volatile- just ask the couple who wants them, but can't have them. If you spring it on them when you are already married you may make them feel betrayed.

Communication has always been a great tool in my marriage, and it allows for problems to be headed off before they begin. Some may argue, but what if I didn't know before marriage. To those I say, that's no excuse. Before marriage it should be one of the top ten things you discuss with each other, and at length. Not a passing committal that you may not intend to keep, because you're both giddy with butterflies. And it doesn't stop there. After marriage, periodically the topic should be broached, just to make sure you are both still on the same page.

Later in life men my start to think about their legacy and carrying on the family name. While women start to question the meaning of their lives if they don't reproduce. Picture it, just the two of you growing old no grandkids, or great grand kids around.......still sounds appealing? If it does then you are on track for a childfree life, if not you've got some thinking to do