𝙵𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙸 𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍 | 𝐃𝐔𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐊 [Collins]

Chapter 4 - False hope

(revised)

"What happened earlier?" Eden persistently asked, looking for an explanation to the muteness I had unexpectedly adopted for the rest of our outing.

"Nothing Eden! Drop it!" I replied coldly as I entered our bedroom and headed to my bed, but I stopped abruptly when I noticed a letter placed on the pillow. I sat at the end of the mattress and took it carefully in my hands, and as I turned it over to discover who the sender was, a lump formed in my throat. Eden had noticed that something was wrong, so she asked carefully: "Is it from Lewis?" I nodded in confirmation. I opened the envelope and started reading its content.

My sweet Freya,

You've left for several weeks now, and your absence becomes harder to deal with every day. I didn't write sooner because I was mad at you for leaving so hastily. It felt like you left me behind. But I know now how important it is for you to help your country, and I admire you for your strength and determination. Believe me, I would have come with you if it was not for my heart.

I wanted to apologize for my childish behaviour and tell you how I miss you.

My life without you is just an empty shell. Your silence is the punishment I deserve, I don't blame you. I hope you'll forgive me. I promise I'll make up for it, I'll never hurt you again.

Just so you know, I will come to Duxford in a few days. When you receive this letter, it will be a matter of hours before we meet again; if you wish. I'm longing to see you.

With all my love my angel,

Lewis

I could feel tears filling my eyes, and I quickly left the room to seek shelter in the dark corridor where I hoped nobody would see me. I rested my back against the wall and let my body slip to the floor, with the letter still in my hands. Sobs became stronger and tears slid down my cheeks when I realised the situation I was in. I had received the answer I was expecting. He had given me a proof that he loved me, written the words I had wanted to hear from him for so long, but instead of relief, it was sadness that had overwhelmed me. The terrible feeling that it had come too late. Suddenly, I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder and Eden's presence by my side.

"What's going on Freya?" she asked. I handed her the letter as an answer. She read it quickly and turned to me: "Shouldn't it be something good?"

"It should have been, but not after today..."

"Why that?"

"You were right. This afternoon, with Andrew, it... I felt something when I was with him... The way he was looking at me made me feel so special, and I realised I hadn't felt something like that with Lewis for a long time. And then he sends me that letter to sort things out, and in the meantime, I fall in love with another man." I burst into tears pronouncing those last words, ashamed and guilty. I did not deserve any of these men. 

Eden took me into her arms and rubbed my back as a desperate attempt to comfort me.

"Maybe you should tell Lewis how you feel so that he doesn't come here for nothing," she suggested.

"No. No, I can't. I have to see him. I can't do that with a letter," I paused before adding, "I don't even know what to do Eden. I don't know what's the right thing to do. I'm so lost."

"You'll find out," she reassured me.

I did not sleep that night because of all the questions crossing my mind. I needed to know what I wanted. A man who had loved me for years, who was good to me despite his flaws and who could give me a comfortable life, or a handsome stranger I had met weeks ago, with whom everything felt so simple, but for whom the idea of a future was so uncertain? I was torn between two options, the security of the present or the temptation of the unknown. Andrew was everything Lewis was not, anymore, and maybe it was the reason I felt so attached to him. I wanted to convince myself that the feelings I thought I had for him were the result of the emotional isolation in which I had found myself, and that I was trying to fill the void I had created since I had moved away from Lewis. I missed him, maybe it was not obvious but I was sure I missed him. I was not ready to give up what I had built for so long and so, I clung to my shaky relationships, despite what I felt in my heart. Lewis and I had great memories together, and I had no doubt about what he could give me, whereas I wasn't even sure of Andrew's feelings for me, even after all the nice things he had told me. Maybe it was just a game for him, and he was doing to me the same things he would do with Vera. Maybe he was not the man I thought he was, or it was just me refusing to see what was in front of my eyes. In any case, I could only choose one, and when the sun rose up the next morning, I had made up my mind. I would meet Lewis and I would give us a second chance. Andrew and I were just friends, we had not moved to the next step yet and it was still time for me to stop before it was too late. I had not promised him more, and things would stay the way they were. That was what I wanted, or at least I thought.