I Don't Want to Say No (Marliza)- Wattys 2017

Chapter 23- Memories of Moonlit Tears

I'm back dudes. . . This chapter is sorta angsty, but like, yeah, this story DOES have a happy ending I promise. The next chapter is actually really fluffy and sweet, and like romantic, and like with good friends.

Also can we (illegally) talk about the PSATs, like they were horrible. I did well on the English, but I sucked at the math parts. So, I think it was because I was in the clean room, and couldn't come up with inventive ideas for ping pong balls. So please, impale me with that 93 degree metal rod. And don't forget to bring an electric toothbrush to clean your tomato plants.

Okay now on to the chapter.

Eliza's POV
Maria was rushed to surgery. Something happened to her. The nurses came in to tell me, and thy handed me a note that Maria had been writing, addressed to me. I open it, and begin to read.
A/N: the part Maria wrote in the last chapter goes into this. This is after the last italicized paragraph from last chapter. The italics below is Maria writing to Eliza
I have so many favorite memories of us. I remember the day we met. First day of classes freshman year. I was completely psyched to get a full ride to NYU, and I was in the best mood I'd been in for a long time. I got to class, and it was almost full. I looked at the seats, many were taken up, and I sure as hell didn't want to sit in the first row. But you smiled at me when I walked down to your row. You offered me the seat next to you, which was incredibly kind. We talked before the professor got there. I found out we had a lot of similarities. When I went home that night, I figured out that I was bisexual. But there was still James, so I couldn't escape.

Words fail to explain how happy I am every second I'm with you. I can't formulate the words to express how much you mean to me. Every time I kiss you, I relish in the feeling of your lips. Every time I get to wake up with your face inches away from mine, I feel so special. I feel chosen, and unjustly chosen. I think putting up with years of abuse, it's hard for me to think that I deserve good things. But you, Eliza, are the best thing that ever happened to me.

That day in the bridal salon, I found it. I found the most perfect dress. A dress that made me feel beautiful. Like that red dress I wore many moons ago, it made me feel truly beautiful. It made me feel all the things I had told I wasn't, and none of the things I was told I was. Instead of sexy, it made me feel stunning. Instead of slutty it made me feel special. Then, I realized. That dress is a metaphor for when I'm with you.

Eliza, my love, my dearest, when I'm with you, I forget all the hurtful words James said to me. I feel like a real person when I'm with you. I feel so beautiful. You don't make me feel like a monster for my past. You don't make me relive my past. Instead, you make me feel reborn, renewed. James made me feel so worthless, and you make me feel so worthwhile.

I have never loved anyone nearly as much as I loved you. I will never love anyone as much as I could love you. Every second I'm with you, my heart flutters, and I only want to be with you. I love you Eliza, and I can't express that enough.

Thank you for never leaving me behind. Thank you for loving me for me and not for a changed version of me. Thank you for being there for me, thank your for loving me completely. Thank you for bringing me out of the dark, and bringing me into the light. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for existing. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
The ink smudges slightly, blurring the words. I notice I am crying. I love her so much, and she could die. But there's nothing I can do now. She is open on a table, and doctors are saving her life.

She will be saved, she will be saved, she will be saved. Right?

Oh god, my heart drops to the bottom of my stomach. What if she's not. What if she dies on the operating table. My sobs become louder, more panicked. I need to go see her. I need to tell her I love her one last time. Even if she never gets it.