Lost Stars

Chapter Forty Nine

-Athena's POV-

I ran up the stairs to Jason's apartment. I skipped stairs, slipping and breaking the fall with my face. The metal on the stair tore open my cheek -- no doubt causing a bruise -- but I pressed on. I continued to run until finally reaching the sixth floor. Jason said there were only three houses on that floor, providing him -- us -- the privacy that we craved.

I tried the key I took, but my shaky hands caused the key to snap when I turned it too hard. I raised my fist and knocked as hard as I could. The whole ordeal with Dick had left me so shaken, that my strength and control were starting to wain.

After I couldn't bear to bang on the door any longer, I crumpled and fell against the door. I pressed my back against the splintered wood, letting my head fall into my hands. I felt like crying. And I never cried. I just sat there, breathing unevenly. The harder I pressed my palms into my eye sockets, the better I felt.

The door opened. I fell back, landing straight on my back like a turtle. Jason's groggy face stared down at me. "What took so long?" He groaned, rubbing his eyes. His hair was messy and tasseled. The apartment was dark except for the single, warm candle near the window. His body was bare, except for a pair of superman boxers. I would've laughed, had I not been so depressed.

I didn't want to stand up. I didn't want to face Jason, or anyone I loved. Dick's words -- all the accusations -- they had gotten to me. After everything I had done to Dick, he still was able to be honest with me. He always told me how he felt, not fearing if I would judge him. I couldn't, wouldn't, do the same. My truth was something I could never tell him.

Jason's hand. It stuck out, staring at me. I looked at it. I refused to take it. I just wanted to lay in the doorway, in the dark, forever. "Come on, stand up," Jason grumbled, shaking his hand around. I sighed, reluctantly laying my fingers in his. Shocking me, Jason tightened his grip with sudden energy and pulled me to my feet.

His fingers gripped the sides of my arms, steadying me in place. I don't know how I felt to him, but to me, my entire body felt like slime. I was limp in Jason's arms like a rag doll. "What's wrong?" Jason asked. I couldn't see his face very well in the dark. His voice was still raspy with sleep, but I could hear the concern in it.

"I--" I tried to speak, but all my thoughts bled together. Everything came out in a jumbled mess. I choked, shoving out of Jason's arms harshly. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve anyone.

I stomped through the house, looking around for my things. Jason followed behind, confused. He reached out for my arm. I jerked back, jerking out of his grasp. I wanted to leave. That's all I ever did.

I swiped a pistol mag off the floor and stuffed it into the duffel bag I had packed. I turned towards the bedroom, but Jason blocked the entrance with his muscular body. "Move," I demanded, my voice flat with no emotion.

"Athena," Jason spoke. I raised my eyes to strain to see him in the dark. "What happened?" He asked again. I stayed silent, trying to find the right words, but not being able to.

But, Jason didn't press me. He never did. He stepped forward, breaching the cold defensive wall I had put up against him. He stood there for a moment, in my personal space, demonstrating his trust and care. Once we both felt me soften, Jason reached out and pushed my messy hair behind my ear. His fingers lingered below my ear, cupping my jaw. I pressed my face into his hand, closing my eyes and relishing in the warmth.

When I opened my eyes, Jason's eyes locked onto me. He smiled softly. I held his hand in my own, kissing his fingertips softly. I pulled away, sighing. In the dark, I couldn't see Jason's face. With his back to the candle, my face was illuminated softly but he was completely concealed.