The Edge of Everything

Chapter Six

When I woke up I was warm. My nose filled with the scent of sandalwood and I had a flash back to two years ago, when I was pregnant and woke up with my head in Cassian's lap multiple times. I was disoriented as I opened my eyes slowly and found myself wrapped in his arms, my face buried in his chest. My heart started pounding as he woke up with me.

"Nesta," he said quietly, the sun wasn't even up yet.

"Hi," I croaked as I tried to wake up a little more. I knew this was not how we had fallen asleep last night, "how did we end up like this?"

He laughed slightly, rubbing his eyes, "you were crying in your sleep and turned over and grabbed my shirt. So I pulled you in and you fell back asleep."

I nodded slowly, "oh. Okay. I — I'm sorry," I stammered trying to get away. But he pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. Our fight from last night must have been forgotten. I couldn't even remember why I had been upset in the first place.

"It's okay," he whispered softly pushing my hair out of my face, "I like knowing you feel safe with me."

I blushed, wondering if I should ask him about something. There was a tug on my memory, my heart telling me to ask him about a kiss. Or maybe it had been a dream. I decided to just let it go as we woke up together. I was tired of fighting myself and everyone else. I just wanted things to go back to the way they had been before.

I sighed, "you should get ready for work," I whispered softly as Rey slept in her own bed.

He nodded, "I'm going."

Once he got up the bed lost it's warmth and so did my body. I closed my eyes, wishing I would fall back asleep. But without Cassian beside me I felt empty. I felt cold and alone once again. I turned and looked up at the ceiling trying to figure out when exactly things had changed. Two years ago when I was pregnant? The day Rey was born?

Really it didn't matter when things had changed, just that they had. They changed for me, I knew I couldn't ever see him as just my best friend anymore. He was more than that. He was my support, my partner. He looked after me and my little girl as if we were his. Which made me wonder if things had changed for him too. But then again wouldn't he have said something?

Why wouldn't Cassian put himself out of his misery and tell me if things had changed for him? He was a good man, maybe he was letting me process everything that Tomas had done to me. Or maybe he didn't feel anything for me at all.

There were so many moments I could've told him. So many times I should've taken the chance and went after what my heart so desperately wanted. Except I didn't, because I was too scared.

Rey mumbled in her sleep. Then she sat up and looked around the room. She didn't always have night terrors. I wasn't sure when they started. She climbed into my bed and I wrapped my arms around her. She fell back asleep right away, knowing she was safe in my arms.

Cassian came back into the room freshly showered and smelling like cologne. I took in a breath as he ran his hands through his hair and then leaned down and pressed a kiss to Rey's forehead, "she okay?"

I nodded, "I've got her. You worry about getting to work on time."

He laughed, "lucky for me my boss is my best friend," he sat down on the edge of the bed.

I stuck out my lower lip, "hey I thought that was my title."

He flashed me a smile, "you're my favorite best friend," I nodded my approval. A moment of silence passed between us and then he sighed. He looked at his hands, "Nesta about yesterday."

"I'm okay now," I whispered trying to stop him from bringing up our fight, "I'm sorry for asking so much of you. I know you didn't sign up for this when you said you would help out. But I just can't see myself doing this without you. I know it's a lot, telling people she's yours."