The Edge of Everything

Chapter Twenty Five

I had only ever felt beautiful once in my entire life before. It was a day I could remember with clarity, a day before my mom died and my dad stopped caring. I was five years old and stumbled into my mom's closet. She had dresses on dresses and somehow I managed to pull one down and slip it in. It was short enough to become a floor length gown on my tiny body. I slipped on a pair of heels, again too big to actually fit.

When I stepped out both my parents were on the bed smiling. They clapped as I walked around, my mom stopped to put lipstick on my tiny face. She fluffed my curls and somehow, even at five years old, I felt beautiful. I felt like a queen entertaining her court.

But that was nothing compared to the way I felt when I slipped on my wedding dress. It was off white. The entire top was made of lace. There was an undergarment that peaked through, the sleeves reached my elbows. The waist clenched and then it fell down to my feet in a beautiful display of elegance. There was a small slit that hit mid thigh.

If I had ever imagined my wedding, this was the dress I would've dreamt about.
"Cassian is going to faint when he sees you," Feyre squeezed my shoulder, "you look amazing."

I tried to fight off tears. It would ruin the two hours Mor had spent doing my makeup this morning. Even if the wedding was small, only my family and Cassian's would be here. Which was our friends and my sister, I still wanted to feel beautiful.

As I looked at my reflection, I truly felt beautiful.

I wasn't the girl who had her wedding planned when she was younger. I was the tomboy, the girl who preferred her best friend a male instead of a female. The girl with dirty hands and holes in her knees. I had scars and edges, I had roughness that no one understood. So no, I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be standing and staring at myself wearing a wedding gown.

I never imagined I would marry my best friend, the other half of my bruised and beaten soul. But somehow we had made it here, to an end everyone else had always known would play out.

Again I fought off tears as Feyre pinned another section of my hair up. She stepped away as little shoes came racing back into our room. The girls had all gotten ready together, the males were on their own. We had been separated for one full day. It was supposed to make this sweeter, to make our hearts grown founder. I missed Cassian, I was ready to make this official.

I was ready for our new beginning. A new chapter with the person I never saw standing beside me.

"Mama! Up, up," Rey tugged on my hand as Feyre set the veil, which was tucked around a beautiful tiara, on top of my hair.

I leaned down and picked my daughter up. Her dress matched mine, only hers was a soft pink. I tapped her nose and she held out a small notecard, "Ashian."

She pulled it back before I could take it from her, "hey."

She giggled and shook her head. She wore the same smirk as her nonbiological father. The man she adored, "kiss, kiss."

She tapped her cheek the way Cassian did whenever he wanted to tease us. He would offer something, only to pull it back and refuse to hand it over without a kiss. I sighed and pressed a kiss to her cheek. She giggled as I blew out a breath and tickled her skin.
She handed me the card and then wiggled out of my arms. I pushed my thumb between the folds and read his sloppy handwriting, "don't cry when you see me standing at the end of the aisle."

I laughed, grabbing a pen and writing my own message back, "if I do it's because there's clearly something in my eyes."

I handed it to Rey, "go give this to Ashian. Tell him mama sends a kiss too."