Run By Anxiety

Sleepless Night

After Alex dropped me off at my apartment, I immediately crawled into bed; clothes and all. I literally had no energy after all that anxiety. I was so tired, but oddly enough, I could not fall asleep for the life of me. I closed my eyes and laid there for a while.

I opened my eyes and looked at the clock on my nightstand: 1:15am, and I'd been laying there for more than an hour! I looked up at the ceiling and thought over today's events. Ugh. So many things had gone wrong, yet I was still content with the turnout.

Alex and I got to hang out, I didn't die, and I got to go star gazing like he promised all those years ago...

"I love star gazing." I told him. "It'd be fun to go star gazing with you." He smiled. "You know we can't. My parents would never allow it." I said, dismayed. "Then we wait till we're older." He shrugged. "I'll hold you to that." I smirked.

I never actually thought he would take me, and so I dropped it. I didn't want to get my hopes up, anyway. I should've known he wouldn't forget; he always kept his promises, from what I knew at least.

Alex and I had been best friends since I was 15 and he was 16. Yeah, we took a break for a short time while he figured things out with his girlfriend, as was. But we've been inseparable for what feels like forever.

Since I couldn't sleep, and I figured Alex would still be awake, I decided to text him. As if I hadn't talked to him enough today, I still wanted to. I loved talking to him as much as I could.

Me: Hey.
Alex: You're still up?
Me: Yeah.
Alex: How are you holding up?
Me: Fine.
Alex: Yeah right. What's actually wrong...?
Me: Eh. I just can't sleep.
Alex: Too much excitement for one day I guess 😝
Me: Funny 😒
Alex: I try. So have you had any more anxiety?
Me: No...?
Alex: Aren't you sure?
Me: Lol not really. I'm tired and I can't think straight.
Alex: Can you ever think straight? 😝
Me: Not really lol
Alex: Am I just too much of a distraction? 😉
Me: You'd like to think so, wouldn't you cupcake 😜
Alex: You're never going to let that go, are you...
Me: Nope

Let me tell you how this started; the whole 'cupcake' thing, that is. When I was 17 and he was 18, that's when our friendship started blossoming into a friendliership.

He (hopefully jokingly) always called me blockhead, dummy, dork, etc...and one day after calling me the first, I asked him "If I'm a blockhead, what does that make you?" And he said that was for me to figure out. I asked him "Will anything I say hurt your feelings." He said no.

I was with my friend Sierra at the time, and I jokingly told him "I'm going to call you cupcake". He asked why. And my genius friend remembered a quote from Finding Nemo. But instead of the name 'squishy', I inserted 'cupcake'.

"Why? Because you're so sweet. So I will call you cupcake, and you will be mine, and you will be my cupcake". And it stuck as a joke, and I never dropped it. And it's not like I'm the only one of us using 'cute' names.

Alex is always calling me sweetie, cutie, (and his personal favorite), doll. I didn't have anything cute to call him, because names like bae? Ew. So cupcake works, even if it's kind of weird.

Anyways, we continued texting until I literally couldn't keep my eyes open. So I called him instead, so I could talk with my eyes closed. I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with that solution.

"Hey, doll." He answered right away. "Ey." I muttered, not even pronouncing the 'h' in 'hey'. I was that exhausted, so why couldn't I be sleepy too?! "Still can't sleep, huh?" He sounded really tired, and now I felt bad for keeping him up.

"If you're tired you can go to bed. It's ok, really." I told him, relieving myself of the guilt at least a little. "Nah, it's ok. I enjoy talking to you." I could imagine him smiling. "Ok. Just wanted to give you that option." I shrugged even though he couldn't see it.

"So, what exactly are your thoughts on the anxiety attack at the party?" Like, give me a play by play." I asked. "Hmm..." I figured he'd need time to think about it, and I was content just to enjoy the comfortable silence.

"Let me tell you..."