The Dawn into Gray

Chapter Two

Chapter Two

I laid out a plate of tuna and a bowl of water in front of them. " Eat up, " I ordered. Before Hidan could reach the plate, I carried him to the table counter and gave him a separate portion. The kitten looked at me confusedly but I just urged him to eat. Meanwhile, the others did not care, considering the fact that they're really hungry. However, I noticed that Sasori and Kakuzu didn't eat, while Kisame and Zetsu ate only a little. Huh, weird. Anyways, when Hidan was done eating, I lifted him up and cuddled him in my chest. But being a persistent cat, he thrashed and tried to scratch me. However, I picked him up and held him eye-level.

"Hidan, If you continue rejecting my touch, I'll be upset," I said, on the verge of crying. " Very upset. So please, don't try to scratch me. Can you?"

Don't blame me. I admit I'm sensitive, and I easily cry when someone or something I like or is attached to me rejects me, I become upset very easily. Even if I don't want to cry, it's like as if it's already in my system. That's also one of the main reasons why I hate myself.

I'm the type of person that always needs to be hugged. And I love hugs.

Strangely, when he sees my face and hears my request, he stopped resisting and was soon comfortable cuddling my chest. I cooed. He's like a baby.

I look over to the other kittens to see the food finished and them staring at me.

I smiled at them. "Sorry, I'm a sensitive person. I crave for touch and comfort. I don't like it when someone or something rejects me."

I look over to the window, to see the sky darken. " Well, everybody rejects me, so I'm kinda used to it. I never liked them anyways and besides, I'm a despicable person. A type of girl no one wants. No one cares, and no one loves me, I guess? Hahahhaha..." I chuckled while staring outside.

"Do you guys want to rest? We'll wake up before dinner." They all nodded and followed me as I went up to my room. Well except for Hidan, since he's in my arms, staring at me.

I opened the door and the kittens freaked out. I watched them go around my room, staring at my sneakers that have red clouds, my blanket with the same symbol, and the same goes to my pillows. I even have an abstract painting with the symbol of Akatsuki. Oh, and I also have plushies of every member in my bed. The bed is kinda big, it's queen-sized, so it doesn't bother me.

I sat on my bed and laid Hidan beside me. " Is something the matter? Is there something wrong with my room? Don't you like it here? Am I being inconsiderate in not letting you have individual beds instead of sharing mine? Do you want me to find you a new owner? I-I mean, it would be hard, bu-but..." I was near to burst my tears out when I suddenly felt all the kittens cuddle me, as if to comfort my well-being. I sighed, wiping my eyes which is moist with tears that are about to fall down. I really hate myself for this. Maybe this is why I never had someone in my life to be always there for me. I'm good for nothing and I always cry. I'm an overreacting person, I'm good for nothing, and I'm a nobody. Suicide is the quickest exit to end my insecurity and suffering, but I don't want to leave the world yet. Somewhere deep in my heart, there's a spark of hope within me that keeps me hoping that someday, I'll be able to find someone who can end my suffering. But I know that the flicker is slowly fading, and I use everything that I can use to stop me from killing myself. Actually, I believe that suicide is wrong because you are taking a life for granted.

" Sorry guys...I ju-just can't help it.." I said while patting them.

I suddenly felt a wave of nausea. I quickly scrambled to reach the bottles of pills and a water tumbler on my bedside table. I took one each of the bottles and gulped them down one by one.

Finishing taking my medication, I felt a tug in my shirt and I saw Pein pointing to the bottles, as if asking me if I am sick. I just smiled at him. " Oh that? I take those entire daily because I'm sick in the head. I'm depressed, I'm anorexic, I have disorders and I have so many kinds of attacks like panic attacks, anxiety attacks and so on. It's also to prevent me from killing myself. You see, I'm very much close in committing suicide, but these pills help me control my mind set. I know that I would die someday If I keep on doing this...but If I really die because of taking these, it means that I'm really a worthless being and I really don't have someone to save me. And you know what, guys? I can already feel it.....the weakening, the pain....I'm beginning to lose hope."

Tobi whimpered, and I smiled. " I know that you guys are only cats and all and couldn't understand what I'm saying, but I'm just telling this to you because maybe you're the last being that I can have contact with. At least before I die, I could say that told someone or something my situation and what's happening to me,"

I can already see my tears fall down, because I can see the fur of 'my' kittens getting wet. They're probably the kindest beings to me.

" I just want someone to hold me, to hug me, and be there for me always. I just want someone to at least want me in their life. I—i hate existing! I wish I was never born," I cried. "I'm just a waste in this world. I—I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm sensitive, my parents hate me, my classmates hate me, my teachers hate me, I'm a waste of time and space, I always cry, I'm an outcast, I can't do anything, I'm weird, I look weird, I'm so imperfect, I have no friends, I have no one, a---and no one wants me," I sobbed, crying my tears out. I really don't care if my kittens can't understand me or wonder why I am crying. " Why?!! I have perfect A's in school, I have no late or a single absent in my record, I perfect all the tests! I-I just want someone to hug me and say that it's okay. That it's alright, everything will be fine," I broke down, but then I smiled why crying. " The only one who ever hugged me though, is myself. But it's still cold. I want to feel warmth. I want to have someone to lean on," I whimpered, and slowly becoming unconscious, because my body is too weak to handle emotional stress.

"Is it that too much to ask?' I whispered out, and then fell asleep with the kittens surrounding me.