Hold My Hand [boyxboy]

4: Venus And Mars

I hated being me. I hated myself and I hated what I do. The thing is that it was me and I couldn't change it. I could only apologise.

I never expected I would reach a point where I apologize for being myself.

I was sat there on a picnic table banging my head to my bag and cursing waking up today.

Some people would think "Get over it, it's a minor inconvenience". I knew that. I knew what others thought.

But. It. Was. Not. The. Same.

My mind didn't work that way. My mind thought that that was the worst thing that ever happened to me- And yes, I was aware that a lot more worse things have happened. Things that left scars. Things that not only marked me on the outside; they marked the insides too.

"Hi, Hi!" a very cheerful perky female voice broke my line of dreadful thoughts.

Why is she talking to me, I thought.

I wanted to say go away, or just flip her off, but I decided to do none. I didn't even say hi back.

"Not much of a speaker huh" she added as she laid out her food tray; an assortment of everything. "It's cool"

She rolled up a hair tie that was lounging on her wrist and put up her curly brown hair in a difficult knot.

She swallowed a mouthy of mashed potatoes, "I'm Luna, by the way"

I didn't reciprocate. I didn't want anything to do with this embodiment of joy and everything good and happy. I didn't like cheerful things because nothing cheers me up. Not that I don't try; believe me I did. A lot. Nothing works as if it's impossible to lift up my spirits.

Right then at that table, I really regretted smashing my phone.

I placed my bag in front of me and let my face sink through it, not giving any fucks about the girl sitting in front of me. Thankfully she was a silent eater or else she would be eating her foot by now.

"Hey Luna" a warm soft voice greeted Luna. I couldn't tell who it is because obviously I had my face in my bag. Probably one of her friends.

"Oh my God hi Thomas!" she cheered even more and honestly she needed to fuck off already.

"May I borrow your friend for a few minutes?" I toned them out and went on a small journey in my own head, to somewhere I really hate, yet I always find myself there.

"I don't know. Which one do you think is better?"

"I would go with the black one, it makes your earthly coloured eyes pop you know"

I put the black hoodie against my torso, then the grey one. He was right.

"Thanks Blake" I kissed his cheek softly which he rubbed in embarrassment. He loved when I did it though.

"Besides you're the one wearing it so it's gonna be good no matter what colour"

It made me melt when he said stuff like that. I was such a sucker for cheesy talk.

"You're the best"

Little did I know that he was far from best. He screwed me over. Funny how he seemed like an angel at first. I felt myself growing angrier at myself and at the world and at the skies even.

I lifted my head up and saw the Greek God sitting in front of me. And then I realised he was the one talking to Luna, which was at a table a little further away now.

"Can I- help- you?" I muttered. Why was he here? I had enough embarrassment for one day. I was literally here to avoid him.

"I just wondered if we could talk for a bit?" he asked politely but I was even angrier then because of what he said to Luna.