Hold My Hand [boyxboy]

14: Standing At The Edge

Raiden

"Can you please tell me where we're going? It's making me anxious more than I already am." I spoke between huffs of breath. I didn't have my jacket on because we rushed outside the house without any previous planning.

"I'm sorry love. We're going to my house."

"What fo-" my words froze in my throat upon processing what he said. He called me 'love'.

A dangerous silence suddenly filled Thomas's Mercedes.

Did I like it or was I scared?

Frightened was I.

I didn't want love.

Dad's love brought us his death.

Mom's love brought us her absence.

Blake's love brought us what's worse than the latter two.

"I'm sorry it's a slip of a tongue" Thomas said. I didn't reply and he didn't say anything afterwards. I was hoping the silence takes it away.

Upon seeing me hugging my arms, he turned on the heaters. A few minutes later and the car was much more bearable with warmth.

I felt like I could sleep. I haven't known a good night's sleep in weeks.

Sleep in a warm car: a new entry in the new list of stupid things that might hurt me but I wanna do anyway.

Love: the very second entry.

I forgot how cold it is until I opened the door to step out of the car. I quickly closed the door again.

"No way" I said. "I wanna die, yes, but not this way."

"I really wish you'd stop saying that" he sighed, exasperated. He didn't like death. I was death.

He struggled to get his coat off, but he did eventually. He gave it to me.

I did not refuse. He was wearing a button up underneath a grey woolly vest. I was wearing a thin long-sleeved shirt.

I put it on and I couldn't count how many things I was feeling at the same time.

How silly it was to feel so much from wearing a coat, when you rarely feel anything? A lot of silly.

But for someone like me, who hasn't had much of anything in a long while, the silliness was pure pleasure. It was the closest contact I had of Thomas.

It wasn't the first time I wear his clothes, but trust me there's a huge difference in wearing something out of his dresser that hasn't been close to his body in God knows how long, and wearing something that was on him just a few seconds ago.

His warmth was still in it. His scent too. His cologne and his body. It sparked something inside me. A gnawing thought itching under my skin:

Maybe touching Thomas isn't that bad of a thing?

Touch him: a third entry.

When we entered the mansion, I felt a little dizzy. He led us to a living room/office combo. I've only been in his house once, and we went straight to his bedroom.

In normal times I wouldn't have come here. I would've asked a million questions before I stepped outside my house. But with all what had happened, I didn't care anymore.

I thought I didn't care about anything before, but somehow I managed to care even less.

Thomas disappeared inside, then came back shortly with a figure just as tall as him if not a bit taller. The same platinum almost white blonde hair. They resembled the Malfoys.