Pages of Yesterday

Color me Female

I used to envy my sister’s Barbie dolls and

Her tea sets and her lacey dresses.

When she was at ballet practice

I would undress from my Nike's and shin high socks;

Thicker than my own skin

I would drop my lazy red basketball shorts to the ground

I would take off my jersey, so unimportant, that I don’t even remember

What man’s name was skewed across my back like a brand.

I would open her primrose yellow closet

Taking out tutus and mini heels, leotards with animal prints, shorts above the thigh

I’d slip my legs through the restraints of the leotards one on each side

The spandex would strain below my abdomen,

Not used to the weight of my problems.

I’d pull a tutu of sapphire and gold shimmer over my waist

Then I’d greedily slip on the pinkest pair of shoes my sister owned

Decorated with sparkles, a huge flower embellished on the side

Standing in front of a full length mirror, my eyes

Pierced the ways in which my body defined itself

Broad shoulders, chiseled arms, skinny legs, a man’s chest

Though no one understands how good it feels to dream in curves

To dress for curves, to starve for curves

To pretend they were born with curves

I used to squeeze

The juice out of cherries

And stain my lips sweet

I used to break

My younger sisters Crayola markers

And let the ink drip onto my nails

Dyeing them beautiful

This was before

I found out

That there was lipstick

And nail polish, and

Judgment