Random book 1

50 Things I'm not allowed to do in the HP universe

1. Don't Play Got your nose with Voldemort

2. Don't 'Say Come to the dark side, we have Malfoy' during the sorting ceremony

3. Don't Say Yo mama joke to either Harry or Voldemort

4. Don't skip around Hogwarts chanting. 'Bella Killed Sirius Black'

5. 'I have heard every joke about Oliver Woods name possible' is NOT a challenge.

6. If a class mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage and draw the Dark Mark on their arm

7. I will not use the words 'Pimp cane' In front of any member of the Malfoy Family. Only Bellatrix

8. I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady Macbeth or the Fat Lady.

9. Hagrid is not into Beastiality, I should quit implying he is.

10. Gryffindors shouldn't be fed to Fluffy or the Giant Squid.

11. I will not try to imitate Parsletounge when Harry is around

12. Dumbledore is not or related to Gandalf the White

13. I will not sing 'Smelly cat' or 'Whats new, Pussycat' or 'Everybody wants to be a cat' Whenever Professor McGonagall
or Mrs Norris or Crook shanks  is around.

14. I will not take off my sock and announce i'm free when I am told to do something by a professor or prefect.

15. I will not refer to Bellatrix as Trixy

16. Or The Dark Lords Bitch

17. If I see a death Eater wearing a mask I should run and not sing Phantom Of The Opera

18. I shall not refer to the Accio charm as 'the force'

20. McGonagall does not have a relation ship with either Albus Dumbledore or Mrs Norris.

21. Nor should I say 'She is a single Pringle, Who's ready to mingle'

22. I will not transfigure McGonagall's robes into leather and call her Catwoman. Not matter how funny it is.

23. I will not sing 'Hungry Like the Wolf' during DADA with Lupin

24. Shampoo and conditioner are not appropriate Christmas gifts for Snape

25. Neither is A hairbrush for Bellatrix.

26. I must cease to refer to Snape as Snivillus or Lupin as 'The Big Bad Wolf', McGonagall as Garfield, Dumbledore as Gandalf or Grandad and Flitwick as Hornswoggle, Hagrid as The Green Giant, Trelawney as 'Crazy lady' and Lockhart as 'Male Rita Skeeter'

27. Any other witches won't melt so I should stop throwing water on them.

28. I should stop calling Ron Weasley 'Ed Sheeran in a shitty Disguise'  and Ginny Weasley 'Lindsay Lohan just before she went ape shit'

29. Lucius Malfoy is not my sugar daddy and I should stop claiming that he is

30. I should stop cursing anyone. We all know i'm not gonna.

31. But I should stop saying that Voldy can't love her back.

32. I am not allowed to argue that First Years should lose house points because 'they are too god damn short'

33. I shall not use Merlins name in vain. For example 'For Merlins Sake' or 'Oh My Merlin'

34. I shall not dress us as Voldemort or Bellatrix for Halloween

35.  And If I do, I shall not make Harry's scar hurt every time we are in the same room

36. Singing 99 Potions on the wall will end in detention

37. I will not set up a Mobile phone mast in the astronomy tower nor a satellite dish.

38. When I am sent to the Head Masters office I shall not sing 'we're of to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz'

39. The four houses are not Morons, Borons, Smartasses and Junior Death Eaters

40. I will not insult Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, And Gryffindors on a daily basis just because I am A slytherin and its my duty.

41. House Elves are not there to do my homework

42. Bellatrix, Voldemort or Grindelwald are not the people i should write about in my 'Person I aspire to be like' Essay

43. I will not reverse the Potions instructions to see what will happen

44. I will be expelled if I organise another Witch Burning for my Muggle History exam in Muggle Studies

45. I will not ty to make Trelwaneys predictions come true.

46. Draco Malfoy is not a ferret animagus

47. Shouting random Latin words/ phrases while waving my wand is not suitable for my Charms research

48. I will not go to Dumbledore's pensive to find Teacher smut. Ever. Again. Stupid flitwick

49. I will not ask Dumbledore if his beard is compensating for something

5o. I will not get a muggle tattoo of the Dark Mark. Fine. I will go to Voldemort then.