Suicidal Love

Friday

  That morning, I worked hastily to pack all of my favorite belongings before anyone woke up. My laptop, phone, toothbrush and toothpaste, comb, hair gel, and some clothes including that sweater Izzy got me for my birthday, were crammed into my small suitcase. I swung my backpack over my shoulder and headed out the door. As I walked around the block, just to get away from my family and house, I texted Magnus:

Me:

Hey, What's your address? I'm ready. 🎒

Magnus:

66400 N. WarBrook St.

Me:

Thanks. 🙂💗

Magnus:

NP 😊 Can't wait for you to get here. 🕔

I walked to his house and saw him waiting for me on his porch. I felt, with him there, that that was where I belonged.... my real home.

∘〇♢〇∘

  Since I wasn't enrolled at school any longer, I was at Magnus' house, finishing my homework. I had to do it to officially leave my school and I felt a twinge of guilt, every time I answered a question, like as if it was my fault I wouldn't be going to highschool anymore. Even though school sucks in general, I still desperately needed my high school diploma to succeed in life. How am I supposed to save up the money to start a suicide prevention organization if I don't have a reliable source of income? Magnus was at school and his foster parents, Marshall and Ady, were at work, so I was left here alone. I was surprised at how accepting and kind his foster parents were. They knew that he was bi and still loved him, buying him glitter and helping him dye the tips of his hair whenever he felt especially eccentric. They told me that my mother wasn't my mother anymore and that I was part of their family now. I finally felt accepted and free to be myself, instead of having to pretend to be someone I was not.

    As I finished my last math problem, the front door swung open. Magnus was walking in, adorned with his skull-covered backpack and silver jewelry. Looking down at my watch, I realized that school had been let out and I had somehow lost track of time doing homework which sounded nearly impossible. "Hey, Magnus.", I said, butterflies fluttering inside my chest. I hadn't been expecting him to be here so soon. "Hello, Alexander.", he replied with a sliver of sympathy barely noticeable in his tone. He walked over to the couch I was currently sitting on and sat down beside me. I tried to calm my nerves. "Aren't you gonna take off your backpack?", I laughed. "Ha. Yeah.", he said, his cheeks turning into a deeper shade of pink. He slid it off his shoulders and I watched his arm muscles flex as he did so. When he was finally released from the restraining force that was his backpack, he faced me, a serious expression taking to his features. "Alexander, I know what it's like to have people who don't accept you, to be abandoned like this... but... just know that I'm here for you.". I was shocked at his sudden change of tone and stuttered a reply, "I think I should be the one telling you that, considering.". He smiled a sad smile, and with a hand on my shoulder, said, "I have so much to live for.". I knew that by "so much", he meant me, and tears pricked the corners of my eyes. "I love you.", I said, voice cracking at the thought of ever losing him. "I love you, too, Alexander.", he said back, before pulling me into a bone-crushing hug.

    After a while of just sitting there together, me wiping my eyes on his jacket, he pulled away, "You know, my parents won't be home until after five and neither of us have anywhere to be-". I cut him off with a hard kiss, pushing him backwards, his body now parallel beneath mine on the couch. "I understand.", I said after the kiss, a mischievous smile forming at the corners of my lips.

∘〇♢〇∘

    We were laying beside each other on his soft double bed, his comforter lying loosely over us. We were both covered in sweat, breathing heavily, but I couldn't stop smiling. Just a week ago, I was no one. Now I'm a local celebrity and have the best boyfriend ever. He had his head resting on my chest and I stroked his hair thoughtfully. Suddenly, the front door clanged open and I heard voices in the living room. Panicking, I glanced at the alarm clock on Magnus' bedside table. 5:15. "Crap.", I mumbled under my breath, willing for them not to walk in on us. The second the door had opened, Magnus' head perked up. "It's my parents.", he whispered. 'Like as if I don't know that already!', I thought. "Here, hide in the closet!", he demanded, getting up slowly and carefully opening the doors to the wardrobe that was propped against the wall. I barely fit, but I did as I was told. I could hear fabric rustling, him wiping off his damp face on his comforter and getting some clean clothes on. He was finished just in time. "Magnus, are you in here?", I heard Ady's dainty voice call out. Even though it was dark and I couldn't see anything, I knew that she was in the doorway. "Yes, Ady.", Magnus replied. "Why did you change?", she asked, clearly confused by his new outfit. "My other clothes got dirty.", he answered her simply. 'At least that isn't a complete lie.', I thought, fighting the urge to laugh. "Hm.... Where's Alec?". He hesitated for a moment before replying. "On a walk, he needing to think after all that family drama." "He's had plenty of time to think.", she said suspiciously. "Well he was doing his homework before and-", she cut him off before he could continue, "Magnus, tell me the truth." He sighed, knowing it was game over. "Alexander, you can come out now.". I saw her eyes widen as I stepped out of the wardrobe, a solemn look on my face. I felt guilty and dirty... but mostly I felt like laughing for some unknown reason. This whole situation was ridiculous. "Oh my god.", she said. I had one of Magnus' shirts tied around my waist to cover up anything graphic and I was blushing like crazy. "Magnus!", she exclaimed accusedly. He refrained from his smirk and made his face go blank, looking back at her. "What can I say? You left us alone for too long. It was only a matter of time..." "Magnus!", she repeated. "Okay, we need to talk. Now! And this time, your friend will actually be going on a walk." "Okay.", he replied, a small smile playing on his lips. "Goodbye my love.", he said with a blow kiss. He was obviously just saying this to annoy his foster mom but I still blushed as I went to the bathroom to access my suitcase that was sitting by the bath tub. When I was finally presentable, I awkwardly passed through his bedroom before leaving. His mother was talking in a stern tone and I wondered how much trouble we were in.