Aphrodite

25

I can change.

I can cleanse myself in the Ganges,

Lather myself with incense, present my naked body to you as an offering,

Remain silent, kneeling at your feet until my legs go numb

And blood creeps onto the stone floor,

Impale myself and light a fire underneath me

So that you may cook and devour my repentant flesh;

I can be quieter, I can be louder,

I can be softer, I can be harder,

I can be needy, I can be needless;

I can collect the stars for you, imprison them in jars,

Swallow a rock from Saturn's rings, bedazzle myself with the remains of a comet,

Wrap my arms around the moon and haul it all the way from space to you,

But I don't know if that would be enough to receive your love.

I don't know if this means anything, my darling,

But I'm sorry.

No one can be worthy of your presence.

I thought someone as lowly as I could change that.

I was wrong.

Foolishly, I allowed myself the pride of having you.

I bartered, nagged, and pried until you couldn't take anymore.

You said so yourself: if I want love, I have to work for it, change for it.

I believed that even before you came along,

But I refused to heed your warning.

I thought I couldn't trust you.

Maybe I shouldn't trust myself.

I promise, if you return I will defer to you fully.

I won't collapse into the dark fury I accused you of.

I'll be your rock, your helping hand, your adventure

So that you never think I am inadequate.

Why do you ignore me?

I know you can hear me.

I thought you could hear me.

I need you to hear me.

I can't keep investing my love in these unanswered prayers.

If you return, you will never go hungry for love again.

You feasted on me, body and soul, so thankfully once.

I have neither of those left, but if you come back you will restore me.

Only you can take my torn, frayed heart and stitch it back together,

For you are the one who pulled the threads in the first place.

If you return, we will be complete.

You will be full of love; I will be full of life.

You will be a bountiful ocean and I will be the lifeboat sailing upon it,

No longer deflated and in danger of sinking.

Please listen, my love.

I just want to bask in the light of your smile again.

If you return to me, you will smile forever.

I can guarantee that the way you guaranteed my downfall.

But if you, the all-powerful keeper of love, can sabotage me,

Then you can surely build me up again.

I have to stop trying to pull you back.

My knees are off the ground, and I'm walking.

My feet ache more with every step as I see clouds swirling and touching in the sky.

The world walks together like two lovebirds down the street.

Everything reminds me of you.

I can take care of myself.

I'll be damned if I can't eat a meal on my own.

I took showers without the scent of your body on mine, once upon a time.

I'm trying so hard to wash out the stains, but, stubbornly, they remain.

I trace over the two scars on my hip.

Both are from you: one as a gift of your love and passion,

The other from an unholy bout of rage.

But, still, they both come from you,

And I can't erase you from my mind.

I don't want to think about you, because when I do, I suffocate.

But it's so much worse when I try not to.