Insane

•Chapter 10: The beginning of the end• •Part 1 of 4•

Enough days have passed to convince Alice that I've gotten "better" and can handle to live day to day without constant monitoring. Our friendship has thinned, like a thick layer of ice slowly melting till there's a transparent sheet that's unable to support the weight of a baby polar bear... or in this case, the weight of our hearts. Everything she says to me involves how much I'm eating or if I drank my pills. She looks at me with disgust when she leaves work to make sure I take the "correct" amount of pills. I know how she feels, she feels like I'm a burden. Which isn't a lie, I am. Even though she's given me more responsibility over my day, she still checks my medication and my food intake. Our friendship, like a beautiful flower, has gotten the life sucked out of it. Our conversations no longer nourish our relationship like they used to. Our hugs are non existent. Slowly but surely our little flower is dead, and Alice has left to plant a new one with Daniel. I can't blame her, he's attentive... which is what she needs at this moment. He fills every empty hole that I can't fill anymore. I see Alice and I feel helpless because by looking in her eyes you lose all confidence to fix anything. Her eyes tell a story of no return. And yet, she still stays because she feels like it's her responsibility. Henry does come occasionally, just to fix what he broke. I've been cold to him, making him work for the few words I exchange with him. He is coming by today to stay three hours like he always does. He just pulls a chair next to the couch and watches me eat, or listens to me read. The episode outside the café hasn't repeated itself and he's found a way to enter into my home, which he was so reluctant to do before.

My eyes drown in the off-white page found in my book after my mind runs through all these thoughts. I blink a few times to snap out of my haze. My hands close the book and place it on the coffee table near the couch, placed by Alice so I can hold my water and food there. Rocky, laying under the table, looks up to me with his glimmering eyes and I shoot him a quick smile.. My fingers glide on my furry gray blanket placed over my legs. The lock of the main door clicks and it catches the attention of both me and Rocky.

"It's me..." Henry's voice chimes from outside.

In his hands he carries a book wrapped in his scarf. "I got something for you." His eyes fall on the book, looking at it with utter confidence that it will change something between us. The scarf slowly retracts to reveal the new, shiny, leather, hardcover book. "Edgar Allen Poe" is etched on the cover.

"It has all of his works. All in one book..."

I don't speak and take the book into my hands. My hands graze the cover and the fresh white pages.

"Do you like it?"

My lips separate, ready to transmit the words beginning to form.

"You didn't have to."

His cheery smile begins to fade, "What?"

"I said, you didn't have to."

He scoffs, "You gotta be kidding me right." He let's out a chuckle and clenches his jaw. I see in his eyes, a rim of water forming. "You barely talk to me Scarlett, and here I go buying this book in hopes that it can make up for what I did. And in all honesty, I don't really know why I did what I did but I care for you too much so I put myself through this hell hole. I watch you eat, watch you read, watch you sleep in these three hours that I come every day and it's all in silence."

His voice shakes with every new sentence and my heart breaks with each formation of a new one.

"I feel like..." he looks down at the ground, hands at his hips. "Like I just want to erase this past month and get my old Scarlett back. The one that craved to see me when now I'm the one picking you up to get that spark back."

All that he is saying is true, and Im responsible for all of it. I can't seem to form words.

He finds my eyes and focuses on my face through all the broken feelings. "Scarlett, I used to feel like I was losing you but now I noticed that I did lose you."

He choked on his words and tears fell  down his cheek, landing on the burgundy carpet. He notices that I give no response and lets out a sigh. With his wrist, he passes his jacket over his nose while sniffing in and finally makes his way out of the door. An ache starts to form in my chest. I can't be upset at him over something that's entirely true, I just didn't think he was truly sincere till now. All my feelings, entangled. My sadness over Alice turned into disbelief over Henry. He didn't deserve this. I couldn't just get up and drive to him because Alice took away my car keys but I needed to get to him one way or another. I began thinking of everything I needed to do and then came to a realization that we both needed to sort things out.

Alice came by today, checked that I took my pills and made her way back out the door. Rocky stays with me all day, keeps me company with Ella. It's a surprise Alice didn't take Ella away with her as well. But she didn't, and both dogs stayed with me to tend to my loneliness.

My intense emotions pull me into a pit of sleep in which I remain till 12:00PM of the following day.

I pull my body up from the sofa, still groggy from the deep sleep. My mind instantly tells me to make something to eat. My legs carry me to the kitchen and I finally decide to make a sandwich. I shuffle through drawers trying to find a knife. A whimper cuts through the silence in the house. I stand still, trying to find that unsettling sound that got lost in the silence. The whimper repeats. I spot Rocky sliding across the floor. "Rocky?" My heart pumps, and all my limbs start to shake. The whimper comes again and fills my ears. Walking into the living room I see Ella's tail disappear upstairs. "Rocky! Ella!" I scream. Running up the stairs I see the bathroom door slam. "No..." I instantly knew that another haunting act was to take place. "No! No! You bitch, get him out!" My lungs take in so much air for my deafening screams. Both of my hands rattle the door knob, locked. I begin to fall into distress. All I imagined was that little girl touching him. "Leave him alone you fucking bitch!" My arms slam the door and I suddenly hear Rocky struggling, as if he was sliding around the tub trying to get out. And what followed were puffs, puffs of suffocation. "NO! Don't do this!" My vocal cords rip out of my throat. "You bitch! Kill me! Kill me! Leave them alone!" I begin to kick the door. The puffs of air continued till they abruptly stopped. "Rocky?! Rocky baby please..." I press my ear against the door, desperately trying to hear his breath. A rage of anger encases my heart. I take in a big breath of air, "Open this fucking door!" I yell, kicking the door. I make a fist with my hand and get ready to slam it on the door when the lock clicks. I look down as I see the knob slowly turning near my stomach. The door opens an inch. I'm petrified, too scared to take a breath. I push the door further with the tips of my fingers. The door opens wide like a curtain revealing my fate.

My heart drops, it drops down to the bottom of my stomach. At that instant, I felt like all of my heart strings snapped and teared. In front of me, Rocky and Ella hung from the shower curtain rod by their collars. Two huskies hanging limp, right in front of my eyes. "Oh my gosh." I fall to my knees. My eyes can't leave the sight as I can't help but stare. I choke on my words and tears rush to my eyes. I let out a scream and lay down on the white tile floor. I throw punches, slamming my knuckles against the tile. I can't breathe, all I want to do is scream. I get up and take Rocky and Ella off the rod and place them on the floor. "My baby..." I sob. I run my hand through his fur on his heavenly face. I look to Ella. "Oh my gosh, I'm so so sorry." I cry. My tears falling on their soft fur that I washed a few days back. "I did this to you! I should've told Alice to take you both. I'm so so sorry." I burry my face into Rocky's chest. My throat feels as if there was a tight rope around it, that keeps tightening but never loosens. How did I get here? What was the reason that this all started?! Why did this damned house choose me?! I needed answers and the one person to give it to me was Henry. He should know all about this house. I converted my sadness into rage. I make my way across the hallway and destroy Alice's room looking for my car keys. Finally, I found them under layers of clothes in her dresser. This was it, I was going to end this once and for all.