Believe

Chapter 9

The cool evening breeze rolled off the ocean waves and through Tempest's open window. The curtains framing the window danced as Tempest got ready for bed. She brushed out her long, tangled hair and tucked it back into a thick braid as Neve nosed the door open. She collapsed onto the bed and Neve curled up beside her. She stroked his head as eyes eyelids drooped shut, her other hand playing with the necklace slung around her throat.

Neve's throaty purr then lulled Tempest into the embrace of sleep, the gentle roar of the waves the last sound she heard before she drifted off.

Then the dreams started.

My thoughts drifted back to the beginning when I had been so open, so trusting. Tears clouded my vision. What had changed between then and now? My friends hadn't changed. They still loved me and cared, even if their questions about how I was doing had slowed down. I realized that the problem had been me. I had grown resentful and bitter towards everyone, pushing them away because they had their own lives that they had to live through. I bit my lip and chocked back a scream, a sob slipping past my clenched teeth.

The sob stumbled through her slumber sluggish mind, stirring up another dream.

The bag of mini donuts warmed my hand as she and I moved away from the clump of people huddled around the tables towards a semi-private cluster of couches. We sank onto the one furthest from the others, not wanting them to overhear the conversations meant for our ears only.

We took turns talking and shoving the warm, sugar powdered donuts into our mouths for at least another hour. We talked about everything that had weighed on our hearts.

She told me about the boy.

And I told her about the depression and she nodded.

"I know you slipped into a dark place, and I didn't know how to reach you. I'm sorry."

The open honesty between us made me realize that I had turned into a bitter person who pushed those away who had wanted to help. It made me realize that they did care when I felt I was turned invisible by the darkness. I asked for her forgiveness; for I had shut them out believing the lie that they didn't care about me or what I was going through.

I realized that not all of this was my fault; yes I could have been more open, but she could also have been more vocal. But I forgave, letting go of my anger and hurt, and in turn, I was forgiven.

The peace of forgiveness drew another dream from her mind.

The library was quite as we headed for the table furthest from everyone, tucked at the very back corner of the room. We scooted our chairs back and leaned in close, talking in hushed whispers about the heavy things that had been weighing on our chests. We talked about relationships until she asked me a question that changed the entire tone of our confessions.

"What is the worst thing you have ever done to yourself?" The question threw me off guard and I sucked in a breath.

"I've cut myself," I admitted softly. "And I've hovered on the very edge of an eating disorder." My fingers traced lightly over the skin where the knife and sliced into my skin 3 times, although not deep enough to scar or leave any permanent mark. We then spent the rest of the class talking about ourselves and our struggles. When the bell rang, I left feeling lighter. I had finally began to heal and to live with my disease.

Tempest awoke the next morning, the pale sunlight streaming through the window, and Neve curled up beside her head. She sat up and cocked her head, hearing something moving in he kitchen. She kicked off the blanket and tiptoed across the cool hardwood floors. She peeked out the door and heard sizzling coming from the kitchen.

"Hello?" she called softly as she padded towards the kitchen.

"Yes, Tempest. I'm in here." A smile broke across her face as she recognized Abba's face.

"Abba! Why are you here?" She rushed into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around his torso. He smiled at her and squeezed her back. 

"I came to talk with you. And I've made breakfast for you." He turned back to the stove and removed a pan from the burner before placing the contents onto a plate and handing it to her. A perfectly cooked omelette sat on the plate. He smiled and gestured to the white leather couch. Tempest grabbed a fork before she joined him on the couch. She forked a piece of omelette into her mouth and melted as the flavor of onions, cheese, and mushrooms danced over her tongue. She smiled at Abba who smiled back, the rich sound of his laughter filling the cabin.

"So how are you doing?" he asked once she had finished eating.

"I'm. . .good. I'm really good actually." She smiled. "I haven't felt this good in a long time." Abba nodded. 

"You have good friends who love you, my child." Tempest nodded slowly. 

"Yeah. I know. I wish I had been a better person." A tear leaked down her cheek. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Hey, this isn't your fault. You were sick, darling. You couldn't control it any more than you could control your love of reading." Tempest hiccupped, a small smile creasing her lips.

"I know this is hard. I understand. But I'm here, and your family is here and your friends are here."

"But what if I slip back into the hole again?" she asked, her voice small. "What if I fall, and I can't crawl back out? What if it wins?" He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and hugged her tighter. 

"Then I'll be right here. And if it happens again, you'll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, right?" She nodded slowly, doubt etched upon her features.

"I know it seems impossible, but you have an amazing support system that will be there for you." He stood to his feet. "I promise. I have to go now, but if you ever need me, just call, and I'll be there." She smiled and nodded. She hugged him tightly and he pressed a kiss to her cheek. 

"I love you. Always remember that, even when things get hard." He then left, and Tempest decided to head up to her cliff. 

She stood at the edge and stared out across the dark waters crowned with foamy whitecaps. A sense of peace filled her being as she sat, curling her knees to her chest. She felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she felt free. A smile curled her lips as she lifted her face towards the heavens. 

She was stronger than the depression that coursed within her and she knew that she could overcome whatever came next. She was strong and those supporting her were just as strong. And for that, she was grateful. A beam of sunlight sliced through the clouds and shone on her face. She knew that life would always have its challenges, but she knew that she could overcome whatever challenges were to come.

This was not where her story would end, at the top cliff where she had stared death in the face.

No, this cliff, were she had stood that day: hurt, broken and dying, ready to leave everything behind, had symbolized nothing but hurt. Until, however, her Savoir had taken her hand and helped her begin down the path of healing. Now, the cliff symbolized peace and healing.

This was not the end of her story.

No, this was only the beginning.