Broken Doll {ManxMan}

CHAPTER 22

Tobias was gone all of half a minute before I started to pace, my hands in front of my stomach and my fingers playing with the ends of my sleeves, twisting the ring around my finger and watching the ground; dark gray concrete with cracks webbed through it, patches off icy snow interrupting me every few steps.

My pacing was doing no favors for Logan's impatience, because he finally stepped in front of me, clapping his hands to get my attention before signing something, his eyes narrowed and a slight scowl on his lips. I didn't understand ASL, so I wasn't entirely sure what he just said, but it was probably along the lines of "stop pacing you fuck-head."

"He said to stop worrying so much," Cormac offered, standing a good distance away from me and playing with the strap across his chest that was holding the rifle against his back, "and that you were going to wear a path into the ground if you kept pacing," Logan signed something else, but Cormac just shut his eyes, "I'm not translating that part."

"Sorry," I murmured, dragging my feet as I backed up and leaned against the side of the van, and Logan huffed out through his nose as he turned, hopping onto the hood of the same van and climbing up to the top to act as a lookout.

I didn't return to my pacing, but I continued to twist the ring around my finger, staring down and watching the low light of late evening glint off the facets of each diamond. Staring down at it made me feel a bit better, but I was still uneasy. What if something bad was happening? What if Tobias didn't come back? Did I even tell him that I loved him before he left?

"I seriously... have no idea how I never noticed you wearing that," a breathless voice admitted, and I stopped playing with the ring to glance up at Cormac, who was staring at my hand with this pained look in his eyes.

I awkwardly tucked my hands into the sleeves, then folded my arms tightly, shoulders hunching. Cormac winced at my reaction, as if regretting that he'd spoken, but after a moment he opened his mouth again, keeping his voice at a low note.

"How long have you been married?"

I hesitated to answer, lips pressing tightly together as I stared at my shoes. Tobias said he didn't want me talking to Cormac on my own, but... I mean, Logan was there, and I kind of wanted to answer. Only because it was a question about my husband. I suppose I was bias.

"A few months," I answered, my voice soft, and I caught the way Cormac nodded slowly from the edges of my vision, so I added, "but... we've been a couple around nine years."

"Nine?" Cormac repeated, his voice a bit louder in disbelief, "Wow... so all those times Tobias stopped by the rebellion, he was technically in a relationship with you already?" I nodded, and Cormac rubbed the back of his neck, "That explains a lot, actually. He had his share of admirers in the rebellion, but he never seemed interested. Probably because he had you. He's loyal, that's for sure."

Hearing that had my lips threatening to break out in a soft smile. I already knew Tobias was loyal to me, I never once doubted him, but actually hearing it from someone other than him... made it somehow different. Better.

Then I felt bile rise in my throat. He'd always been loyal to me, from the moment we met, but those four months, what Bay did to me. Shit. I felt like throwing up, a hand lifting to cover my mouth, leaning more exclusively against the van. Did it count? Did I cheat on Tobias? Was I unfaithful? I didn't mean it; I didn't want it.

"Carter, hey," I lifted my eyes to see Cormac had wandered a few steps closer, hands raised but not trying to touch me, "Look, Tobias is a tough guy, I'm sure he's fine. He'll be back in no time, safe."

It was sweet, how he was trying to comfort me, but he really had no idea what was wrong with me, how much was wrong with me. Just how messed up and ruined I was. Honestly, he deserved better than me. Tobias did too, but... I was too selfish to say that to him.