Silent Blue ✦ 2jae (discontinued)

. ten .

gonna mention real quick that this chapter is dedicated to Ladykitsuka! she found this fic through 2jae amino (which tbh i'm shocked about lol) and left the sweetest comment on my last chapter, it really made my night T-T thank you!!

anyway, read on~

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Youngjae woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, wavering unsteadily in Jaebum's bed. He didn't realize that the sweat on his face was mixed in with tears until he felt his burning eyes when he refused to keep them closed any longer. He couldn't tell the difference between the two, but he felt his eyes welling after the nightmare and his throat balling up.

"Mom! Mom!" he cried, still halfway in his dream. He could swear that he saw her walking in through the doorway to the bedroom in her petrified state, wearing a dress that fell off her shoulders and hair that was greasy from drunken sweat. She walked towards him, that waft of alcohol and smoke and mint filling his lungs as she pulled him into a hug.

"Youngjae, it's me," a deep voice said. He didn't know what time it was, but he realized it wasn't his mother coming to comfort him.

"Mom," he still cried, shaken from the fever dream he was just awoken from. He knew it wasn't her— he knew she was still in the rehabilitation center, and he knew there was nothing to be weary of, but he still couldn't help but to ask, "Jaebum, did you leave?"

"I-I had to go to work, Youngjae," he answered quietly, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I should have stayed..." He was heaving softly over the younger boy, mostly out of panic of what he'd seen just after he got home. Also out of panic when he felt Youngjae's fingers fail to reach his torso enough, only brushing the sides of his shirt, and very faintly.

Youngjae was being held tight against Jaebum's chest, trying hard not to breathe in that sweet, sickening aroma of flavoured cigars and whiskey. "Jaebum," he started, not calm but getting there, "why do you smell like she used to?" And there went the waterworks again.

"Like who, Youngjae? Who do I—?" Jaebum thought of hearing that blurry word Youngjae was pleading for. He let go of the younger one and changed his shirt, not caring that he was silently admiring his back once again, this time through tears and weird memories. Fresh shirt, Jaebum sat back next to Youngjae and continued to hug him tightly, making sure that he would calm down, again not caring whether he was covered in sweat.

That stench wouldn't leave Youngjae's nose, almost like it got stuck in his sinuses like that of a whiteboard marker. But this new shirt brought something else to the mix, and it wasn't mint or coffee, not even fruity cologne that he saw on Jaebum's nightstand.

"Do I smell like her now?" Jaebum asked, pushing Youngjae's sweaty hair back and out of his face. He took a tissue from the nightstand and wiped the younger's cheeks and forehead with it before Youngjae's tired head fell back against his chest. "This shirt better?"

"She didn't smell like chocolate... you smell like chocolate," Youngjae muttered, still exhausted.

"What kind of chocolate?" Jaebum asked, a chuckle escaping his lips.

"Just... chocolate."

"Just chocolate," he repeated, still messing with Youngjae's hair. His nose was red, eyes puffy, but Jaebum looked down and noticed how different this Youngjae was. He thought he wasn't supposed to see this Youngjae, but he cherished him anyway. "Can I run you a bath or something? I don't want you to go to bed all sweaty," he said quietly, holding up Youngjae's face. The boy didn't answer. "I'll change the sheets, hm?" Youngjae nodded, and Jaebum helped him to stand up in his tired state, bringing him into the bathroom.

Jaebum went back into the bedroom once Youngjae was settled and turned on the lights. The small closet to the left of his closet was where he kept spare sheets and towels. He took the spare sheets out and sat them on a chair while he took off the ones soaked in Youngjae's sweat. Doing so, he took a whiff of his shirt, curious whether he actually smelled like chocolate.

Dark chocolate, he thought. Huh.

It took him a few minutes to change the sheets, and another to put the dirty ones in the laundry bag. When it was done, he worried about Youngjae enough to leave him alone for now. When he was calmer, he would ask him if he was comfortable sharing what had happened. Or he wouldn't ask. He hadn't decided yet.

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© illjae, 2017

i feel bad for not updating this in so long wow, i'll do better <33