falling out of love

fallen out of love

falling out of love is the strangest feeling to me.
when i look at her now, i don't feel the need to be close to her—not as much as i used to anyway. her chocolate skin and high ponytail used to be so distinct to me, her small frame and the silver rings covering most of her fingers were a disclaimer that she was unique. her dark brown eyes, big and almond shaped with long lashes accompanying them were the same eyes i wanted to spend hours staring at.

but why is it all changing?

i have accepted the fact that i can never be with her, i have accepted that we can be nothing more than friends and just as i learn to do that, why am i falling out of love? why is my hand no longer holding hers every chance i get and why is her wit and humour something that i don't appreciate anymore?

unrequited feelings can be the worst thing ever—unless you get used to them. the warmth spreading through my cheeks when she hugged me and the flutter of butterflies when she looked at me with that tiny little smile were things that started to comfort me. i search for it. i search for the happiness inside me when i'm with her but i just can't find it.

everything seems so colourless when you're not in love.

and it's not the colours that i'm missing. it's the feeling. it's just the feeling of longingness for a person, the feeling of relief when you finally hear their voice across the line, the excitement of spending time with them. life just seems so much more purposeful when you're in love.

and the worst part?

the worst part is that humans can't stop falling in love. they don't stop at a person. once they fall out of love, they search for new things, new people, new cities, new songs to fall in love with, and the hellish process of jealousy and crying and feeling worthless starts again until it turns into acceptance.

i have loved her for two years now, why am i falling out of love today?

the end