Frerard oneshots

Mental or physical

Age: both 17
Era: 2017!Frank hesitantAlien!Gerard
Warnings: check comments
Synopsis: gerard feels sick and frank helps him feel better
Type: sad
POV: Gerard
-_-_-_-

I don't get it, I have such a great life, a  loving family, perfect boyfriend and amazing friends, so why do I feel like this all the time.
Everyone in the books, movies and tv shows have reasons to be 'depressed', my life is fine so why me, why am I the one shutting myself away in my bedroom so that I can make myself feel upset and cry every night. Why am I the one struggling to get out of bed every morning, or do simple tasks like shower and eat, I don't fucking get it.

I stayed off school today, told my mum I was sick, she believed it easily.
Frank was coming over after school, probably wanting to take care of me and cuddle, like he always does when I'm 'sick'. Maybe he can sense that I'm not actually physically sick, that it's my brain that's ill, maybe he just doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to make me upset.
Maybe he just thinks that I'm sick.

I laid in bed all day re-watching shameless for the third time, trying to make myself feel a little better, it worked for a bit, but then it didn't and I went back to feeling shitty.

Frank should be getting out of school now, actually he's probably already in his car and on his way here, I don't live that far from the school so he should only be 10 more minutes at the maximum.

I hear my door open and frank being greeted by my mother (she made him stop knocking after a few months of frank and I dating, although he still done it for a while after, just in case), I hear frank greet her back and then make his way downstairs, to my room.

"Hey Sugar, how are you feeling?" Frank asked, walking to sit beside me on the bed

"Shitty" I replied, half smiling
"I'm glad you're here now though" I add

"I'm glad I'm here too, now I get to look after you and cuddle you until you feel better"

"You don't have to look after me Frankie, I'm a big boy"

"I know, I want to"

I don't reply to frank verbally, just hold my arms out to him, inviting him in.

We lie cuddled in my bed, mostly in silence, although sometimes we laugh a bit at the tv, still playing shameless.
We were at the part where it's thought that Ian has bipolar disorder, frank sits up and looks at me, with a serious expression he asks,

"How are you gee?"

"I'm feeling a bit better now, the headaches kind of went away" I reply

"I don't mean physically, I mean how are you feeling, mentally"

"I-I I don't know" I say quietly, looking down at my hands.

"You don't have to be okay, you know? You can talk to me, I'll never judge you, about anything Gee" frank says, taking my fingers that we're being used to pick at each other, in his own hands.

"I know, it's just hard sometimes, to talk. Sometimes I'm scared to tell you things in case you take it the wrong way and feel bad"

"You don't have to feel bad about anything, okay?"

"Okay"

"Do you want to talk about how you're feeling?" Frank asks, sounding kind of nervous for my answer.

"I'll try" I reply
"I-I erm I guess sometimes I'm happy and I feel like I can do anything and go anywhere with my life, we can go on adventures and I'd never be lonely because I'd always have you and you're all I need. But other times I feel as if I can't even get out of bed and drag myself to the shower without having a mental breakdown because it's just to hard, sometimes I feel like I'll never do anything with my life because what's the point, right? I'm never going to do something to change the world, I'll never be an influence on anyone's life, so what the fucks even the point?" Once I started I guess I just couldn't stop and it all came out at once, I look down again, embarrassed at my little burst.

"It's okay Gee. Look, maybe we will go on awesome adventures and do amazing things with our lives, maybe we'll tour the world on a bus playing music like we dream of, or maybe we won't, maybe we won't have an impact on anyone's life, maybe when we die we won't be remembered for anything other than another hole filled in the ground, I don't know, but what I do know is that, you will always have me, and I'll always have you, and as long as I have that then nothing else matters to me, not playing music, changing lives, making a difference, nothing, you are my life and I care about you so much Gee, so does your mum, Mikey and all of our friends, and I know for a fact that our lives would never be the same without you"

"I know you all care, that's the problem, sometimes I just wish that everyone would stop caring, it would be easier"

"Gee it wouldn't be easier, trust me"

"It would be easier for me to leave" I say quietly

"I-is that what you want?" Frank asks, loosening his grip on my hands.

"Sometimes, sometimes I wish I could just down a box of pills, drink I litre bottle of vodka and sleep, forever. But I couldn't leave, not with everyone actually giving a shit, I know that I'd hurt people so much and that's the problem, I can't deal with the thought of hurting everyone I love"

Franks grip tightens again in a loving way and he pulls me in for a kiss, slow and loving, perfect.

After pulling away from the kids frank keeps his forehead and nose against my own and whispers,
"I love you so much, Gee. And so does everyone else. I want you to remember that whenever you feel like this again, and call me because I'll always be here for you, wether it's 1pm or 1am, I will always be here"

"I know Frankie, I love you so much" I say leaning in to kiss frank again