The Event

31.

The sweet caress of darkness wrapped it's inky fingers around my body and soul, pulling me down down down, deeper and deeper into the emptiness below. I didn't fight it. Not anymore. I've fought too much for too long. This was easy. Letting go, feeling the dark touch lure me beneath the surface, making me feel safe at last in it's utter nothingness.

I would've thanked it if I had the words.

I would've rejoiced had I had the energy or will.

I could've been happy in this place. In my whole of dark peace.

But happy and easy weren't things meant for me it would seem.

Too soon I began to feel my body lifting. Going away from the intoxicating darkness below me and back up to the horrible cold and cruel world above me. I didn't want to go back. This I did fight. I fought to stay down. I needed to stay down. Too much bad waited above but there was nothing below.

No! No!

"Rowan," The darkness was calling me. It wanted me to stay too. "Rowan, please..." It begged me.

I'm trying! I screamed back to it, but it wouldn't stop saying my name. Over and over it called to me in desperation until suddenly the darkness had a voice. And it wasn't dark at all. It was the light.

"Rowan, please, oh no."

It was Kayne. He was here, needing me. All the while I was fighting his pull.

I can't give up. Not after everything. I can't roll over and die just like they want me to do. I won't. I'm a lot of things but I don't want my last act to be one of weakness. I don't want to give up and fall down into the dark place, I want to live. I want to. I do.

The faster I rose back to the surface, the faster the pain resurfaced. It was tempting to flinch back away from it, but Kayne's voice called me higher.

My body ached and screamed all over. I was frozen still, unmoving and hurting, but Kanye was there. His hands brushed over my skin, the pain making me want to scream out but I didn't have the energy still. I could sense him moving around me in the cramped space, and behind my eyelids I saw the flickering of light that must mean he'd started a fire. I half wanted to be thrown into it, sure that was the only way I was going to get warmed up.

I heard the ripping of paper and then his fingertips would brush against my skin, leaving behind something there at my wrists, side of my neck, center of my chest, and above both of my ankles. I almost instantly felt the tingling begin and seem to spread into my blood stream. Not exactly warm, but not frigidly cold anymore either. It was like whatever he'd put on me was working on warming me from the inside out.

My whole body was shifted and I was surprised to find that it was even moveable. I had been pretty certain I'd become a big block of ice, but I felt him twist my body closer to him and then with a hissing sting my cheek was pressed against something very warm.

"Rowan, please don't go." He whispered into my hair. "Please."

I parted my dried lips to tell him how hard I was fighting to stay with him, the darkness still close enough to swallow me back up, but nothing came out. Barely a harsh breath moved up my throat and it hurt as I swallowed it back down.

"I can't do this without you." He said. "It's all been for you. I need you."

My heart was shattering into a million pieces that I couldn't tell him that I was here. I wasn't going anywhere. I wouldn't let the darkness trick me again. I needed him too. I wanted to yell it to him, make him see it, but I couldn't. Not right now.