August
I don't think I got any sleep that morning when I should've been dropped. I was just up thinking. I've been doing a lot of that lately. Especially ever since my career took off and now people really wanna know what's up with me most of the time.
Its still crazy to me how someone was slick enough to sneak pictures of me and Nia, but never has Tracy been caught walking in and out of my crib. Like, how they miss that? I'm glad they ain't catch her though. I don't need niggas actually knowing about my dirty work. The little shit in the interviews I tell muthafuckas about my intimate life should be more than enough. I'd be damned if my fans really find out about that.
I laid back in my bed. My eyes shut, but trust me, I'm wide awake. I don't even got my TV on. Just pure darkness for me this morning. The silence throughout my house was my friend at the moment, and my deep breaths were the only disruption.
My body was tired, but I'm not. I tossed and turned in bed to at least get some sleep since I plan on doing some stuff with my nieces later on. They only 5, 7, and 8, so you know I'll need some energy for them.
I rested my hand inside my pants, below my navel, and just tried to loosen up some more. I just wanted to sleep and I couldn't do that, so I sat up and rested my back against my headboard. A loud sigh escaped my lips, adding onto my frustration of not being able to just sleep.
I'm still kind of shocked about the little change of heart Tracy had. If anything I thought she'd want to go to the next level with me. Tracy wasn't the smartest, but she obviously knew what was best for her. And I agree with her. If I ever do get into a relationship with someone, side hoes get no love from me. Tracy knew what she was doing and it would get better on both of our hands as time goes on.
Damn, growing is hard. Little by little, shit in my life is progressing. God's way of probably molding me into a true man and I'm loving this new me. Mel would be proud to see that his lil' nigga growing the right way. But I still ain't got life fully figured out yet. Especially my love life.
I sucked my teeth and decided to go take a shower or something. I can't sleep for shit. A nice shower is my last resource.
I climbed out my bed, my hand still in my pants, and walked into my bathroom releasing a loud sigh. Once in the bathroom, I stopped by the mirror and glanced at my sluggish demeanor. Heavy bags and dark circles began to form around my eyes, making them look sleepier than they already naturally are. I looked terrible. I been beating my ass this past month and I'm starting to see the toll it's taking on me. I'm starting to think these little 2 days I have off won't be enough for me to fully restore my drained energy. And if it does, that energy gone be gone quick.
I continued to stare in the mirror. Both my hands resting on the ledge of the sink.
"You looking beat, nigga," I said to myself.
I rubbed my hand through my fresh cut, Then I just stared at myself and rubbed on the aching parts of my body also. My neck, my shoulders, my arms, my back. All this rubbing I'm doing ain't helping though. It soothes me, then bam! The pain is right back. I came to the conclusion that I haven't been to the doctors in a minute. I put it as a side note to make an appointment one of these days.
Looking in the medicine cabinet under the sink, I pulled out a bottle of Advil PM to at least do the trick of knocking me out. I have a past of some experimenting with pills, and its times like this that I don't think. I dropped 3 pills into the palm of my hand, ignoring the consequences. I wasn't caring at all. Just really wanted some sleep.
Putting the bottle back and placing the pills in my mouth, I ran the sink water and cupped some with my hand to drink. Gulping them down, the bitter residue of the medicine stained the back of my throat. I cringed and headed back to bed because I knew I had no energy to climb in the shower.
