A Different Corner

Chapter Ten

(3 Months Later)

I still was here. I graduated from school as well, so I did accomplish something. I also made mum's funeral. We've got her ashes on the mantel of the fireplace at home. I made it to dad's birthday as well. So I was taking life one step at a time. Just like everyone else was. After grad we decided to come back home so I could comfortably live for a while. Dad didn't want me to be surrounded by the paps. It wasn't easy to avoid them now. They know a lot of things you wouldn't think they would. Which sucks sometimes.

Uncle Bill flew out with the twins once we got settled back here. They're growing so fast. They can even say a few words now. I wished they were a bit older so I could at least get to know them better. They seemed to be enjoying themselves here so it was okay. They were getting so big and I was so afraid I'd miss out on somethings.

Like the doctor's said the cancer spread. It went from my breasts to my liver, then to my lungs. I've been on and off chemo and radiation for months. It's been making me really sick, so for this month and the next I'll be off of it for a bit. Just so my body can have a break. They said if I don't go back on the treatment I'd have just over a month left since it was spreading further down my body. I had one hell of a choice to make. I just hoped I made the right one.

~

Today was like any other day. Papa was helping me eat my breakfast. Since the treatment I've lost all strength. I can barely move without everything hurting. Papa was really good at helping me in my times of need. Not that dad won't he just doesn't like seeing me suffering too much. Papa just does the harder tasks dad can't handle. So I don't mind. Since this whole diagnosis it has made each of us closer than ever. For me and dad our relationship has become so much stronger. He doesn't let me out of his sight and he's become more laid back. He's become more free and much more understanding. Not like he wasn't already like this, but it's come off more now than it has before.

"Sammy you ready for your breakfast? It's yogurt and granola. That sound good?" I sighed as dad brought me my bowl. "Yeah dad it's fine. Papa is just helping me eat my fruit." I looked over to him. "Baby, you need to get eating more things. You know to make you fatter." I rolled my eyes at him. "Dad that's not going to help me eat more. Sit down and eat your breakfast too." Things haven't changed with my weight. I've gone up and down and haven't stayed at a ideal weight. Dad has dropped a few pounds too. He's not been eating properly either. This stress has made him different. "Sam, you're pregnant. I want you to at least eat for the little baby." It's as if he said it like I forgot I was pregnant. "Dad I know I'm pregnant. I'll be fine. I'm just not feeling the greatest." Papa sighed. "You said that three times this week. Are you just saying that so you don't have to eat?" I pushed the fork away. "I'm saying it cause I mean it you ass." Dad motioned for papa to stop. He then spoke up. "Darling, we know you mean it. I know everything is hard, but you've got to at least try." I was kinda offended. "You don't think I haven't been trying. This is fucking hard to do okay. My body hates me, and I can't eat because every time I do I feel sick to my stomach." I wasn't lying either. Since the cancer treatments I've been sicker than ever. It's a miracle that this baby has survived. We don't talk much about my treatments or the cancer at all, and by we I mean just myself. Dad and everyone else like to chat every now and then, but I choose not to.

Dad seemed to not be interested in the conversation anymore. Well when I thought that, I was caught by surprise when he started up again. "Sam you have no other choice. It's this or the feeding tube they've recommended. If you can't eat properly you're gonna end up even sicker. I never said you weren't trying." I came to my own defense since no one else believed me. "Now hold up, you basically said I wasn't. I fucking try my best every single god damn day. You can't give me the option of the tube when you know it's not gonna be a fuckin' option. If I say no to it y'all are gonna come to the conclusion that I need it. So don't give me that option shit. I lost all my options the day the doctor told me I had cancer." I could see him getting upset and papa getting angry. I saw David enter the room. Dad's voice changed, he was speaking in a mild tone now. "Sam you don't understand. I don't wanna lose you. You know you're my everything. I just want the best to happen for you. If this were up to you, you wouldn't be here right now. I just want you to understand why I'm doing this." "Dad you're not the one in agonizing pain, I am. Did you guys ever think about me at all? They said there was a high chance it'd spread, and guess what it did. You'll be lucky enough if I survive to my eighteenth birthday." "There's always hope Sam. Whether you see it or not, I do. You might be the lucky one whose cancer stopped spreading. It could stop just like that. You've gotta have faith my dear. I know you're in pain my dear, but there's ways of dealing with it." I sighed. I was just tired of this nonsense. "Dad, it's not gonna change. I can't see it changing." David spoke up. "Or is it that you don't want to see it changing?" I wasn't too pleased, but they were both right. Maybe I didn't wanna see the positive side. "There are some days where I don't wanna see the positive side cause I just want this all to end honestly. I'm tired of being in pain everyday..." I stopped mid sentence to throw up. Dad quickly got up. "Not right here baby." I heard him say. By then it was too late. I had already thrown up on myself, papa, and the floor.