Chapter 4

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Hey you beautiful people!
I'm so sorry for not updating for while but I was just so busy and there were quite some things going on. So yeah... My apologies for that!

To be honest, I don't really like this chapter but the story somehow has to go on, right?

Enjoy it anyways And I'm sorry if there are any mistakes but it's already 11PM over here and my brain's like mush.

Have a great and relaxing weekend!

Maeggaey xx

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Bianca’s POV:

            »Honey, it’s time to wake up now.« My mother’s soft voice broke through my foggy mind. »Come on. You’ll be late.« She said a little louder than before. A yawn escaped my mouth as I rolled onto my back with my eyes barely open. »Good morning, princess.«

            »Hey mum.« I sleepily smiled up at the blonde woman who was currently bowed over my body.

            »Get up. Your father’s already preparing breakfast for you and your sister.« She mumbled before kissing my forehead and leaving the room. My gaze went to the clock on the bedside table, the bright, red numbers causing me to squint my eyes. 7:30. “Do I really want to get up?” was what I asked myself inside of my head. The bed was so fluffy and warm and, after I looked outside my window, it seemed to be the best place to spend such a rainy day at. My motivation was down low. Maybe down in the basement. Probably even lower. Not even the delicious smell of my dad’s homemade pancakes got it up and the cozy feeling I got while being wrapped up in my blanket didn’t help me to find a reason why I should get up. »Bianca, get up now! You don’t want to miss your first day at High School, do you?!« Mum yelled up the stairs. And that was when it dawned on me. Today was my first day as a Freshman. My first day at High School. My first day of a new phase in my life.

            With the excitement rushing through my veins, I threw the blanket off of me and onto the soft, white floor and ran into the bathroom. While taking a shower, brushing my teeth, having my breakfast and driving to school, thoughts of this school year filled my mind. There were so many questions, so many hopes. What would it be like in High School? Would it be the way it was in all those movies? With jocks, cheerleaders, nerds and nobodies? If so, where would I fit in? Back in Junior High, I’ve been captain of the cheerleading squad. But that was it. I didn’t have a special status because of that. Neither did any other club presidents. Everyone was equal. Except for maybe that kid with the face full of acne or the kid whose hair was always greasy and whose clothes were always sweaty and stinking. Other than that, no one was different. Would I know anyone in my classes? Although I knew the possibility of not knowing anyone was maybe 5%, there was still this part of me fearing to be alone. I wasn’t the most social person. I didn’t talk to people I didn’t know nor did I even attempt to talk to them. It’s always been like that. Well… At least since I’ve started going to Junior High and no one I knew was in any of my classes. It’s been hell. How did people act there? Were they friendly and helpful or mean and harassing others? Were there any guidelines to my behavior? Did they expect me to do something specific?

            I could feel the sweat starting to form on my forehead. My hands and feet were cold as ice and my face probably looked like it belonged to a ghost.

            »Don’t be scared, honey.« Mum smiled at me. »It’s not as bad as you think it is. People there will be nice. And if you need anything, just ask a friendly face or a teacher. I’m sure you’re going to be okay.« With that, I made my way towards the huge building in front of me. Students were scattered around the parking lot and laughing amongst their friends. They didn’t notice me. Maybe it really wasn’t the way it seemed to be in those movies. They seemed… Nice. This school year might be a really good one. Especially if she is in any of my classes…

         I closed the leathern book in my hands, staring at it blankly. How could I have forgotten about it? Mrs. A. gave it to me shortly after the funeral ended. She told me how Bianca wanted me to have it, for a reason even her mother didn’t know. Saying that I was not even surprised but shocked was an understatement. When I’ve read the letter a year ago, I thought that was it. That there was nothing else remotely close to any explanation. And then her mother comes around the corner with her diary. With the book which would explain everything to me.

            I’ve always know how much Bianca loved to write. When we were close, she always read her stuff to me. Her little stories, made up scenarios, reproductions of what we’ve done together. Her vocabulary was, for a twelve year old, was impressive. The way she described things, the way she made them sound beautiful although, in reality, they weren’t at all. It always caught me. She always caught me. If anyone would’ve asked me about her life later on, I would’ve said she’d become an authoress. I’d have told them how she’d graduate from college and immediately publish her first book. How it’d be a huge success, how she’d become famous because of it. I would’ve told them how she would’ve married the love of her life, which I’ve always thought would’ve been me, and how they’d have two children. A boy and a girl, Ethan and Annie. Those were her plans. She always talked about how, once we were old enough, we’d run away. To another state. Maybe to a small town in Vermont. She talked about how we’d get married on the 15th of May, the day we’ve first met. How we’d have a little baby boy, looking like me, and a girl, looking like her. She wanted to name them Ethan and Annie, the names of her cousins in Europe who she barely saw. She wanted Ethan to be the older one so he could always protect our little princess. She wanted us to grow old together, to sit on our porch in those rocking chairs and just enjoy each other’s company while our grandchildren were playing in our backyard.

            A quiet sigh escaped my lips as I stared at the book which was now laying in my lap, a single tear rolled down my cheeks, my finger grazed the initials on the cover.

            »You know…« I quietly mumbled in hopes of Bianca listening to me. »I don’t get it. I don’t understand why everything has to be the way it is. Why our story had to end like this. I know we were young and naïve, but still… We did love each other. We knew how we felt, what we wanted. We weren’t just two children playing around or two teenagers experiencing. It was more than that. Far more. We were each other’s first loves, first kisses. We’ve made plans of going to college, marrying and growing old together. As ridiculous as it seems to me now that I’m older, back then I was so convinced that we’d do everything we’ve planned. I was so sure that we’d get through everything. Through our families, friends, society. Because I thought that what we had was it. Although we were just twelve back then, I know it wasn’t the way most people of that age are now. We weren’t like “Oh! I love you! I can never live without you!” although we didn’t know what we were feeling, although we’ve just been together for one or two days. It felt… Perfect…« I whispered walking towards the window. My gaze was fixed on the dark clouds which were blocking the sun. It looked as if it’d start to rain any moment now. Sam had to hurry up or otherwise she’d get completely wet. »Seems like the weather want to match my mood right now…« An ironic laugh escaped my lips. »I don’t know why you wanted me to have your diary, although you’re probably scowling at me now.« This time, I really laughed. Not ironic, not sarcastic, but amused because inside of my head, the picture of Bianca standing in front of me, her perfect eyebrows knitted together, her lips tightly rubbing against each other and her hands on her hips showing off her pure annoyance, unfolded. The playful glint in her deep blue eyes never leaving them, the small smile tugging at the corners of her lips… It was as if she was still here, as if she actually was standing in front of me… »I know you hate it when I call it you’re diary. You’ve always wanted me to call it the “Adventure Book”. Or even the “Book of Secrets”.« I shook my head at the memory of the blonde girl pouting at me, wanting me to call it one of those names. »But I’m going to find out why you wanted me to have it. I’m sure you’ve explained it on the last page. That’s always what you did. Explaining everything at the end. But I won’t skip the rest of the book. I promise you. And not only because I want to know about everything that was going on all that time, but also because I’m scared. You’re one of those people who’d come back from death only to torture me because I’ve read the ending first. You’d probably slap the back of my head and pinch my arms until I gave up. Just like you used to…« I was about to continue, when I heard the apartment door open and a faint “I’m home!” coming through the closed door of our room. »Anyways. I promise I’ll read everything and whatever it contains, I won’t be mad at you…«

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