T W E N T Y S I X
5 days later
A L E X A
"We're here because Dennis decided he could break my rules today." I stood by my fireplace, holding the hot metal iron in the flames.
"It's one thing to disrespect my partners, but to put your hands on one of them and it happen to be my boyfriend... jeez, you're just asking for it." Dennis got angry at me and pushed Carl into a wall and nearly tried hitting him.
Let's just say I shut it down.
"Please Alexa, I'm so sorry, please I won't do it again." Dennis begged.
"What did I say? There will be immediate consequences if you break my rules. You broke my rules." I was waiting for the metal to get super hot.
"Please Alexa, you're not like this, you're not your dad! Let me go, please!" As soon as I heard this I turned and looked at him.
I took the iron by the rod, removing it out of the fire carefully and walked towards him.
"You're right, I'm not my dad... I'm worse." I said, pushing the iron onto his face. Dennis screamed, trying to move out of the chair.
"That's more than 5 seconds!" His girlfriend shouted.
"He gets 10. Like I said. I'm worse." I sneered, removing the iron from his face.
"You can't do that!" She walked towards me.
"And who's going to stop me? You? I'd love to see when the day comes... smell that? I can't tell if that's the smell of burning flesh from your boyfriends disgusting face or your defeat. You know if it were anyone else you'd be cheering me on, yasmine." I put the hot iron in front of her face.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes.
"But it's not someone else-"
"Dennis broke the rules. You know what happens when you break the rules, don't you?" I moved it away from her face and got in hers. She gulped nervously but tried to keep an intimidating face.
"You've had it good your entire life, yasmine. Don't fuck it up now." I told her.
"Especially not with me." I threatened. She simply nodded, a tear falling down her cheek.
"Take her out of here and get him to medical just in case." I threw the iron down on the ground as I announced this, backing away from her.
Some workers took yasmine away and the others took Dennis.
"As for the rest of you, the shows over. Get back to work. We might have a war coming. I need my guards on watch at all time. You'll have shifts normally. One day time, one night time. I need you all on your best guard." I made a motion with my hand to get everyone back to work.
"Alexa, hilltop is here to see you and Carl." I heard.
"On it!" Carl called back, him and I jogging to the front.
Once we made it outside Michonne, rick, Maggie, Rosita, daryl, Tara, Jesus and Aaron stood there, happy looks on their faces.
"Hi." Tara, Aaron and Rosita greeted Carl and I.
"What's this about? Is everything and everyone okay?" I questioned.
"Everyone is okay." Jesus nodded.
We just wanted to stop by to let you know that and just check in on everyone considering my son is here and probably won't be coming back to the hilltop or the kingdom with us anytime soon." Rick joked, walking over and giving Carl a hug.
"Are you running things fine here?" Daryl questioned.
"Yeah, I've got everyone working, they'll be getting a few days off starting tomorrow, they've done a lot recently. We've got a few on a run right now." I spoke.
"That's good. I'm proud of you." Maggie gave me a sympathetic smile.
I gave her the tiniest smile ever, but I felt like it's the widest my mouth has ever gone.
"Do you guys want to talk? you can stay awhile." I suggested.
"We would love to." Michonne beamed.
"Okay, you can head inside." I wanted to smile widely, but I just couldn't.
"Carl, go get everyone settled in. I'd like to talk to Alexa for a little." Rick ordered him.
"Okay, come follow me." Carl motioned for them to follow him.
As they disappeared inside, I faced rick.
"How are you? Everything going good for you? For Carl? For this place?" Rick questioned.
"The sanctuary is safe for Carl, it's safe for everyone here, you don't have to worry... Me however..." my voice faded off as my eyes wandered to the scenery behind rick.
"I miss him terribly... I want to make him proud by being like him but it's just I'm not myself anymore. I'm cold and empty." I admitted.
"I try to be strong for my people. I try to be strong for Carl... but it's just- it's so hard. I lost them both." I breathed out heavily.
Rick gave me a sympathetic look.
"My Dad was truly my best friend. He was my reason for fighting... now I just don't want to fight anymore." I confessed, my heart dulling as I talked about it.
"But I will. I'm not going to let my father down. He wouldn't want me to get weak over his death but it's just too late." Rick was letting me talk my mind out to him without any interruptions.
"You are not weak, Alexa. You may not know it, but you are one of our strongest people." Rick put a hand on my shoulder.
"The day we caught the few drifters... I fell into this- this hole. I was angry. I felt like I lost control of myself. That person that everyone saw... that wasn't me... but that's who I am now. It's what I came to be. This is something I can't come back from." I knew I was different.
Everyone knew I was different. Everyone could see it. I used to try and negotiate. I tried to save lives. Now I would go out of my way to kill.
"When I lost my dad I lost myself... I know I can call it out now, but it's only going to get worse. I'm going to get worse." I knew I wouldn't be able to realize I wasn't the old me here soon.
I knew that I wouldn't be able to have these moments of compassion or softness.
I knew that soon I would be completely gone.
Heartless.
No remorse.
"I don't want to get that dangerous again. I lost control... I was excited to swing lucille around. I wasn't scared to do it. I wanted to keep doing it. I'm just afraid the next time something like that comes around I won't be able to snap back." I was worried that I was gone forever.
But I knew I already was. It was just a matter of time before I was completely different.
It was inevitable.
"I'm scared, Rick." I confessed.
"I know but we're all here to help you. I saw what you were turning into. We can't stop that from happening but we can help you come back... I know what it's like to lose someone you love... I went crazy. I'm sure Carl told you about Lori." His wife.
"Your wife." I nodded.
"I know what pain feels like. I know it makes you a different person. It took me awhile to come back but I did. You will, too." Rick assured.
"I want you to be right. I just have no hope." I confessed.
"I want him back." I felt my eyes sting but I blinked harshly, trying to hold the tears back.
Rick looked at me with a sad sigh and embraced me in a hug. I didn't know what to think at first, but I wrapped my arms around him tightly. I needed it.
"I never meant to hurt your people, rick."
"You're my people now."
Shitty shitty chapter
