𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍 & 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒 | ❝You want to eat everyone you see and I don't want to eat at all. Sounds to me like we'd be great friends.❞
In which an anorexic girl believed losing was the only way to win the game. Or, alternatively, Rory Swan's road to re...
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WELCOME TO PHOENIX, ARIZONA. The words stared at Lorelai Swan—haunting her, mocking her, taunting her. Emotions washed over her as though they were the rain in the skies, or rather, lack thereof. Was it nostalgia? Was it resentment? Was it something more bitter than sweet, or was it more sweet than bitter? She couldn't put her finger on it. Maybe she could if she hadn't been so worried about her baby sister.
Anxious. She was anxious. That was for certain. She had been a ball of relentless stress since her father received a call from Rosemary Hospital in Phoenix stating Bella's admission. They didn't close specifics, only that she was alive. It was funny how that was all Lorelai originally wanted to know, but now, she was aching for more information.
Being in Phoenix reminded Lorelai of the memories she made here. They were the kind of memories that made her laugh and grimace at the same time. She loathed those memories because, before her diagnosis, those were her happiest memories: the ones with Bella, Phil, and... Reneé. Those memories made her feel bitter. Was that really the last time she felt genuinely, consistently happy?
Lorelai didn't reject happiness. She felt it every now and then, like when Bella moved back to Forks or when her dad tried to explain football to her, only to fail. She even felt happiness when she went on walks through the woods with Jasper.
But those memories weren't consistent. Those memories came tangled with the thought that she could have another depressive episode at any given moment. Lorelai always feared her happiness would be taken away from her, and that was why she was never truly happy.
Lorelai found herself thinking about what Jasper had said to her. He said she was strong, but she didn't feel like it. But deep down, Lorelai wanted to accept that thought as a fact rather than an opinion. After all, she'd been fighting long and hard for years. That had to mean something, didn't it? Maybe she was strong; she just had to bring that strength to light.
It had her wondering: would recovery be so bad, anyway?
In the past, Lorelai had feared recovery. She feared the change that would come with recovery. She had been so used to living this kind of lifestyle that she was afraid that attempting to recover could change everything. She feared attempting to recover only to relapse. But then again, she'd never actually bothered to try.
Maybe it was time that she tried?
Realistically thinking, Lorelai was slowly beginning to be able to picture a future for herself—a happier one. She could see herself going to Bella's high school graduation ceremony. She could see herself going to her father's wedding if he chose to get remarried. She could see herself spending more time with the Cullens. She could see her regular appointments with Dr. Carlisle Cullen ending, but still being able to see him regularly. She could even see herself going back to school, which wasn't something Lorelai thought she'd ever get to do. She could see herself maybe even having a future with someone she could one day get married to. The more Lorelai thought about it, the more interested in living to see her future she became.
