Something Missing (South Park Kyman)

Get Out of My Head

I keep laughing hysterically. Now I start crying. I laugh like I just heard the funniest joke of my life while sobbing uncontrollably. I choke on some of my sobs and start to find it hard to inhale.
Why is this happening to me? I can't stop it. I continue to laugh while crying. Nothing is funny. I don't know why I can't stop.
What is happening to me?
I hug my knees to my chest tightly. My head starts to hurt from all the laughing and sobbing. I can't think straight. I can't think at all. I feel so empty. I feel like my brain is thinking a million things at once, yet all my thoughts still empty.
I stare into empty void space. I breathe heavily as my laughter finally stops and tears continue to flow down my cheeks. I feel nothing. My consciousness feels stale, like I'm awake but asleep at the same time. It's so strange.
I see something. Something is walking towards me. What is that? I feel dizzy. Is that something real? My vision blurs. The something is just a blob in my blurred vision. It's getting closer. I blink. It's gone.
I'm so confused. What is happening? I want to go home. I can't go home. I want to scream. I want to scream for my family, my friends, my home, my existence, I want it all back. Please. I can't take it anymore.
I feel so unstable. I twitch slightly. I'm shaking. This feels so terrible. It feels like all of my darkest fears and insecurities are crawling in my skin.
I'm crying again. I lay down and stare up into nothingness. I'm breathing heavily. I close my eyes. I need to rest, this is all to much for me.
.
..
...
I see them. I see my friends. I see me. I'm not really there, am I? It looks like a normal school day. We're all at the bus stop.
Everything is normal. Except me. My eyes are missing. Voids of black that leak void liquid replace them. I look so pale, like a ghost almost. I can see Stan talking to me. I'm simply slouched over and not interacting with him. I can hear Stan talking, but I can't make out what he's saying.
Cartman turns to me and says something, poking me and laughing afterwards. He most likely made a Jew joke.
Kenny is in his own world, reading a dirty magazine and chuckling.
Suddenly, the world shifts. Everything is blurry. My blurry figure melts into a dark puddle and fades away.
Is...is this how I left existence? I don't remember this...
When my vision clears, only Cartman, Stan, and Kenny are standing at the bus stop. Stan and Kenny are chatting with each other. They have these huge smiles on their faces. They look like how Stan and I used to look.
...
Oh...h̸̙͇͉̍̋̚e ̵͖͈͙̌̄͘ȓ̵̖̕ḙ̵͑͒͐̈p̵͉̒l̶̺͚̅ͅä̵̮̹́̀c̸̣̽̔̀̾ĕ̶̡͇̬͆̿d̸̬̠͉̆̊̋ ̷̛̘͓̠͓̊̾m̸̡̼͔̠̈́́̿e̶͋̎͘.

They look so happy. They look so happy ŵ̸̯͇̳̮͌̕i̴͓͑͜ͅt̷̘̱͓͊̑͌̿h̵͍́̓̈́͌͜ȯ̸̳u̸̝̬̫͚͗̆͝ț̴̬̋͛ ̴͙͗̄͜m̷̮̖͋̏e̶͎̪̼̓͒̊̄ͅ...

Cartman, however, looks upset. He looks lonely. He seems to be deep in thought. I wonder why..
My vision blurs again and fades into nothing but darkness. I see myself with empty eyes and void leaking from my face. The other me smiles.
"H̵a̷h̴a̵,̵ ̷i̸t̶'̵s̷ ̴s̵o̷ ̷s̴a̷d̴ ̴h̶o̵w̶ ̵w̸i̷t̸h̴ ̴y̷o̸u̶ ̷g̶o̸n̶e̵,̵ ̴e̵v̶e̶r̴y̸o̸n̶e̷ ̴i̴s̸ ̷s̵t̷i̷l̴l̵ ̷f̴i̴n̴e̵.̸ ̸S̸t̶a̵n̷ ̴h̴a̴s̴ ̴a̴ ̸n̵e̴w̶ ̴b̷e̴s̷t̵ ̸f̷r̸i̶e̸n̵d̷,̷ ̵y̶o̸u̵ ̵w̷e̶r̴e̸n̶'̴t̷ ̵o̸n̸e̸ ̴o̵f̴ ̵a̶ ̵k̴i̴n̵d̴.̸ ̶Y̸o̴u̵r̶ ̵p̸a̵r̶e̵n̵t̷s̸ ̶a̸r̸e̶ ̶s̴t̷i̴l̷l̵ ̷i̸n̵ ̵J̷e̴r̸s̴e̷y̵,̴ ̶l̷i̶v̸i̷n̴g̶ ̶t̵h̶e̵i̶r̷ ̴l̷i̷v̶e̷s̵ ̶t̷o̶ ̶t̴h̵e̴ ̸f̵u̷l̶l̸e̷s̵t̷.̴ ̷I̶k̴e̴ ̸i̴s̵ ̶i̶n̵ ̴C̵a̷n̸a̶d̷a̷,̷ ̷w̵i̷t̵h̸ ̵h̸i̵s̵ ̴r̴e̶a̸l̸ ̶f̷a̴m̸i̸l̴y̸.̷ ̶E̸v̷e̷r̵y̶o̴n̷e̵ ̶i̸s̶ ̶d̸o̴i̵n̴g̴ ̸o̴k̸a̵y̸ ̷w̵i̸t̵h̴o̵u̶t̵ ̸y̸o̶u̷,̴ ̸t̵h̴e̴y̸ ̸d̸o̵n̸'̵t̸ ̶m̸i̵s̵s̸ ̴y̸o̸u̷.̸ ̴T̴h̵e̵y̵ ̴e̷a̸s̵i̷l̶y̴ ̵f̶o̷r̷g̸o̵t̸ ̴y̷o̴u̵ ̵a̴n̵d̷ ̵d̸i̶d̴n̸'̶t̸ ̵e̸v̵e̴n̷ ̵c̸a̷r̴e̷ ̴e̵n̷o̷u̶g̵h̶ ̸t̷o̵ ̷t̴r̸y̸ ̷t̵o̸ ̴r̷e̸m̷e̸m̵b̶e̷r̵.̷"
I stare at the other me, starting to get upset.
"N-no. They care. It's this damn void's fault."
"H̴a̶.̶ ̷F̷o̶o̵l̶.̸ ̸D̷o̸n̵'̶t̵ ̶b̷e̷ ̷t̶o̸o̴ ̵u̷p̸s̸e̸t̸,̵ ̵i̸t̴'̵s̸ ̷n̴o̷t̷ ̸l̴i̴k̵e̴ ̸y̶o̵u̴r̸ ̷e̴x̸i̸s̸t̵e̴n̶c̵e̵ ̴d̵i̵d̴n̷'̶t̴ ̵m̷a̸t̴t̸e̴r̸ ̶a̵t̴ ̴a̵l̴l̷ ̶t̶o̵ ̶a̸n̸y̵o̸n̴e̸ ̶a̸n̶d̵ ̷t̴h̷e̵y̶'̷r̴e̵ ̶a̶l̶l̷ ̷d̷o̷i̵n̸g̵ ̷f̸i̶n̵e̸ ̷w̷i̴t̸h̴o̶u̶t̵ ̴y̸o̸u̶.̷.̸.̶o̷h̸ ̸w̶a̴i̵t̴.̷"
I clench my fists.
"They do care. I do matter to them."
The other me smirks.
"T̶h̸e̵r̸e̴ ̷a̴r̸e̸ ̶e̴v̴e̷n̴ ̶p̵e̵o̵p̴l̴e̴ ̵w̶h̴o̵ ̴a̷r̷e̸ ̶h̴a̸p̵p̶i̸e̷r̵ ̶a̷n̶d̴ ̴b̷e̸t̸t̷e̴r̷ ̷w̴i̴t̴h̶o̶u̷t̵ ̶y̶o̶u̷!̴ ̷Y̶o̶u̷r̸ ̶p̷a̴r̷e̸n̵t̷s̵ ̶a̵r̶e̷ ̵l̸i̶v̸i̴n̶g̴ ̵t̴h̷e̸i̵r̵ ̷l̴i̸v̷e̵s̵ ̷t̸o̵ ̵t̷h̶e̴ ̵f̴u̴l̷l̷e̸s̸t̴ ̶i̶n̸ ̴J̷e̵r̶s̶e̶y̵,̵ ̸I̶k̸e̴ ̷i̵s̷ ̷f̴i̶n̵a̶l̶l̸y̶ ̸w̷i̵t̵h̴ ̸h̸i̴s̴ ̷r̸e̵a̵l̶ ̵p̷a̷r̵e̴n̵t̶s̶,̴ ̶S̷t̷a̴n̷ ̴a̸n̸d̸ ̶K̴e̶n̷n̵y̷ ̴a̷r̸e̵ ̶e̶v̵e̶n̵ ̸b̶e̴t̸t̸e̷r̶ ̷f̶r̸i̷e̵n̴d̵s̶ ̵t̷h̶a̷n̶ ̴y̶o̸u̷ ̵t̵w̵o̴ ̷w̴e̵r̴e̴,̶ ̷a̷n̶d̴ ̸t̷h̴e̷i̷r̵ ̷f̵r̴i̴e̵n̷d̷s̴h̷i̵p̶ ̴a̶c̸t̶u̵a̵l̷l̸y̵ ̶l̸a̷s̸t̴e̷d̵ ̵a̴n̵d̴ ̷t̸h̸e̴y̴ ̵d̵i̶d̷n̸'̵t̷ ̷d̷r̵i̷f̷t̸ ̷a̴p̵a̵r̷t̸!̵"
I feel tears in my eyes.
"Shut. Up."
"N̶o̷w̶ ̵y̸o̷u̸'̴r̶e̵ ̸s̸t̷u̷c̷k̴ ̸h̴e̸r̴e̴ ̷f̸o̶r̶e̸v̷e̶r̸.̴"
"No."
"A̵n̴d̷ ̸e̵v̶e̴r̷.̷"
"Stop."
"A̵n̴d̷ ̸e̵v̶e̴r̷.̷"
"Please stop."
"A̵n̴d̷ ̸e̵v̶e̴r̷.̷"
"Leave me alone!"
"A̵n̴d̷ ̸e̵v̶e̴r̷.̷"
"Get out of my head!"
"A̵n̴d̷ ̸e̵v̶e̴r̷.̷"
"Get out of my head!"
"A̵n̴d̷ ̸e̵v̶e̴r̷.̷"
"Ĝ̴̨̛̜̩͘ȇ̷̱̅t̵̥͓͌̓ͅ ̵̦̼͕͑͋͝o̵͙̺̫̚u̸͈̒̾t̴̨͕̙̓̑͒̇ ̸̬̑͋͝ō̶͔͔̪f̷̺̱̟͂̽ ̸͚̆̆̔m̶̡̫̦̾̋̑͑y̴͕͉̰̎̊͒̍ͅ ̷̟̫̭̀̃́h̶̰̣̲̝͝e̶̥͌́ả̴̹̭͍̝̉̒̒d̵͔̝̫̩̂!"
"A̵n̴d̷ ̸e̵v̶e̴r̷.̷"
"G̸̗̚͝͠E̴̠̠̠̾̓̚͝T̷̩͆̍̆͘ ̷̗͆̔̓̓O̴̟̐́͂͌U̴͈̥̓̊T̵̫͑͋ ̶̯̪̓͋O̸̡͂̒̋F̴̙̘̞͘ ̷̙̈́̽̓̍M̴̢̛̲̈͗́͜Y̷̠͉͆̏ ̵͎̼̳͍̾H̶̳̀̑̋̕Ȩ̸̣͈͔̎Â̸̢̮͙͔Ḑ̸̧̘͈͗͛͊!"
I forcibly grab the other me and choke him. I watch him as he tries to pull my hands away from his throat. I tighten my grip.

G̸̗̚͝͠E̴̠̠̠̾̓̚͝T̷̩͆̍̆͘ ̷̗͆̔̓̓O̴̟̐́͂͌U̴͈̥̓̊T̵̫͑͋ ̶̯̪̓͋O̸̡͂̒̋F̴̙̘̞͘ ̷̙̈́̽̓̍M̴̢̛̲̈͗́͜Y̷̠͉͆̏ ̵͎̼̳͍̾H̶̳̀̑̋̕Ȩ̸̣͈͔̎Â̸̢̮͙͔Ḑ̸̧̘͈͗͛͊
G̸̗̚͝͠E̴̠̠̠̾̓̚͝T̷̩͆̍̆͘ ̷̗͆̔̓̓O̴̟̐́͂͌U̴͈̥̓̊T̵̫͑͋ ̶̯̪̓͋O̸̡͂̒̋F̴̙̘̞͘ ̷̙̈́̽̓̍M̴̢̛̲̈͗́͜Y̷̠͉͆̏ ̵͎̼̳͍̾H̶̳̀̑̋̕Ȩ̸̣͈͔̎Â̸̢̮͙͔Ḑ̸̧̘͈͗͛͊
G̸̗̚͝͠E̴̠̠̠̾̓̚͝T̷̩͆̍̆͘ ̷̗͆̔̓̓O̴̟̐́͂͌U̴͈̥̓̊T̵̫͑͋ ̶̯̪̓͋O̸̡͂̒̋F̴̙̘̞͘ ̷̙̈́̽̓̍M̴̢̛̲̈͗́͜Y̷̠͉͆̏ ̵͎̼̳͍̾H̶̳̀̑̋̕Ȩ̸̣͈͔̎Â̸̢̮͙͔Ḑ̸̧̘͈͗͛͊
G̸̗̚͝͠E̴̠̠̠̾̓̚͝T̷̩͆̍̆͘ ̷̗͆̔̓̓O̴̟̐́͂͌U̴͈̥̓̊T̵̫͑͋ ̶̯̪̓͋O̸̡͂̒̋F̴̙̘̞͘ ̷̙̈́̽̓̍M̴̢̛̲̈͗́͜Y̷̠͉͆̏ ̵͎̼̳͍̾H̶̳̀̑̋̕Ȩ̸̣͈͔̎Â̸̢̮͙͔Ḑ̸̧̘͈͗͛͊
G̸̗̚͝͠E̴̠̠̠̾̓̚͝T̷̩͆̍̆͘ ̷̗͆̔̓̓O̴̟̐́͂͌U̴͈̥̓̊T̵̫͑͋ ̶̯̪̓͋O̸̡͂̒̋F̴̙̘̞͘ ̷̙̈́̽̓̍M̴̢̛̲̈͗́͜Y̷̠͉͆̏ ̵͎̼̳͍̾H̶̳̀̑̋̕Ȩ̸̣͈͔̎Â̸̢̮͙͔Ḑ̸̧̘͈͗͛͊
G̸̗̚͝͠E̴̠̠̠̾̓̚͝T̷̩͆̍̆͘ ̷̗͆̔̓̓O̴̟̐́͂͌U̴͈̥̓̊T̵̫͑͋ ̶̯̪̓͋O̸̡͂̒̋F̴̙̘̞͘ ̷̙̈́̽̓̍M̴̢̛̲̈͗́͜Y̷̠͉͆̏ ̵͎̼̳͍̾H̶̳̀̑̋̕Ȩ̸̣͈͔̎Â̸̢̮͙͔Ḑ̸̧̘͈͗͛͊
G̸̗̚͝͠E̴̠̠̠̾̓̚͝T̷̩͆̍̆͘ ̷̗͆̔̓̓O̴̟̐́͂͌U̴͈̥̓̊T̵̫͑͋ ̶̯̪̓͋O̸̡͂̒̋F̴̙̘̞͘ ̷̙̈́̽̓̍M̴̢̛̲̈͗́͜Y̷̠͉͆̏ ̵͎̼̳͍̾H̶̳̀̑̋̕Ȩ̸̣͈͔̎Â̸̢̮͙͔Ḑ̸̧̘͈͗͛͊

His face becomes even paler than it was before. I don't let go of him. I only tighten my hands around his neck. I watch him desperately struggle to escape my grip. He chokes on the void liquid in his mouth. He struggling slowly starts to become weaker.
He eventually collapses on the floor. I can't tell if he's dead or not. I don't care.
I suddenly realize what I did. Why did I get so angry? Why did I act so violent? What's wrong with me?