Like Cats and Dogs -Jori

Dum-Dum: Chapter 22

{~~~~JADE~~~~}

I can't sleep.

I'm trying. I really am, but all I can think about is that bitch, Ryder, at my girlfriend's house.

Is he still there? And if he is, what are they doing?

It's almost 12am. If he's still there, you know what they're doing, Jade.

Yeah, Tori's back. I'd say I'm happy, and that it's a huge relief, but it'd be a big ol' lie. She's not exactly as friendly as she used to be. Not that I deserve her to be, but I kinda wish she would lay off a little. I'm doing the best I can here.

No you're not!

I sigh.

She's right. I'm totally not doing the best I can because I'm too selfish for that. That being, I finally figured out what's the matter with Vega yesterday; but I haven't addressed the issue. Not head on. I can't. I could lose her if I do.

You see, I was confused at first. How could my girlfriend love me but want a break? It made no sense.

But then I thought about it, and I realized the deal we made long ago is the problem. She thinks I'm only pretending to love her; whereas she's fallen in love with me despite the fact that we pinky promised I would only be her girlfriend to make her wazzbag of an ex jealous, and she in return would do the same for me. Except, she would have to date me longer than a night, and she wasn't allowed to break up with me. I was the one who got to do the dumping.

Then it really hit me. The deal. I get to dump her. She can't dump me. That's why she asked for a break. She would've dumped me if she could, but she can't. She pinky promised. And she really honors those things. The fact that she's going to name her first kid either Joseph or Josephina is testament to that.

Lucky me.

But also, evil me.

Because the first thing I should've done was gone to my girlfriend and told her that the deal's off. I should've told her that I'm not pretending to love her and I should've asked her if we could just please put all that bullchiz behind us and move on...but then, I did call her a slut. I did hurt her, and on purpose too.

Then I got to thinking. What if she can't forgive me? What if I tell her the deal's off and she dumps me because she can now?

I couldn't take that chance. So, I found her after school and pulled her into the janitors' closet.

I wanted to talk to her; just to kind of feel her out. See where her head was at.

What I learned is that yes, she definitely still loves me, but I really, really, fucked up. She's a complete emotional mess who wants nothing to do with me; but at the same time, she's too weak to keep me at bay. No wonder she was still friends with Danny after he cheated on her then dumped her! All it took was a little shouting at her and a dash of pleading with her and I was able to hold her. It was that easy; yet it was so hard to do. I wanted her to resist me. I wanted her to show more strength, more restraint. But she didn't. She crumbled. Right into my arms.

It felt so good to hold her again. But it hurt so bad. I mean, if I could get her to let me hold her again so soon after what I'd done, how easy is it going to be for somebody else to swoop in and take her from me for good? How easy is it gonna be for some other person, like Redhead, or Josephina, or even freakin' Alyssa Vaughn, to just come in and spout some bullchiz about never hurting her the way I hurt her? How quickly would she believe them? How quickly would I lose her forever?