Letters ❤️

I miss you so so much

January 27, 2018

For the one that got away,

It's all my fault, I should'nt have pushed you too hard, I should have known your worth but now, your just a person that got away without me knowing about it and I'm sorry, I missed you so so much, I wish that one day all of that memories that we have created just comes back.

I missed you so so kuch, please come back! I missed you all these years, all of our plan since we were little, all of our hopes and dreams, just gone without even a single trace.

I always tought of you as my other half, you know that thing that if it's gone you're just not you, you feel like I'm not whole and I need to find it, I need to find you but alas, you're no where to be found.

Don't get me wrong I tried getting you back so badly that when I found you I knew right from the second that, that you're not my half anymore and maybe that's the thing the I need to undrestand.

People come and go you know, life is'nt just happiness for you see it is also cruel, scary and unforgiving, I don't really know if it's you that is gone or maybe it's just me, I wanted to have you back that I myself started fading away but I did'nt see it as a treath.

Maybe I was just so focussed at you that I did'nt even realize that maybe I myself lost control, maybe I'm just gone..

I want you to be back, for I think that's going to get me back on track but no! Even if I get you back, I'm just lost, you know I'm in the middle of nowhere, yeah I do have alot of friends and yeah I do tend to laugh louder than a usual person but behind those weird laughs, behind those brughtest smile is my discontent over myself, my fear, my crushed dreams, my dissapointments.

I tend loose control over myself very often but the last few months, weeks, days, hours and seconds I just felt lost, I wanted to find myself, I want to help myself but I just don't know how to, I feel lost and you tried to help me it's just in to one ear out the other, I heard nothing, even if you're trying to scream at me I can just see your movements, I can just feel your presence but not you, not your words.

You became a stranger to me, you became nothing.

I lost you and myself at the same time, I was heart broken at the fucking same time, I want to open up to others but everytime I tried I just tend to dissapoint them, I just tend to worry them until one day I got it! I can't hurt anybody if they don't know anything right? Right!

So I carry on my day wearing my mask with the brightest smile it can pull off and that made me, that molded me into, well..

Me.

Maybe loosing you was'nt the worst part, maybe it was loosing me, maybe it was trying so hard to find myself that I tend to loose me, well I did'nt find myself nor anybody, not even one.

Well I guess that's just how life goes people tend to come and go, so long to the one that got away, I missed you but it's time for me to accept it, hooe your having a fun time.

Sam..