Everything I've Never Had (COMPLETE)

EINH chapter 19*

*Chapter 19*

{O'Reilly's POV}

Apparently, I wasn't very good at confrontations, because I broke down crying as soon as Preston started quizzing me about why I hadn't told him I was pregnant. The way he was asking made it seem like he thought that maybe the babies were his hadn't even crossed his mind, thankfully. Even though the situation was horrible right now, it would be worse if he had counted and thought back to how long ago we had been together.

Even though it seemed like a relief that he didn't know, I knew I had to tell him, and soon. I just had to woman up and explain everything to him, even though I was scared shitless at admitting that I was pregnant with his children. But, it was time to pull on my big girl pants and be an adult about this. I had to practice being a grown up, anyway. I was going to have two children in my arms in a matter of a few hours, and I was facing the possibility of raising them alone, just like it was a possibility for the last nine months.

Now that the time was here, I realized it would've been in my best interest to have told Preston back when I first found out I was pregnant. This whole situation could've been avoided and right now would be a happy reunion. But, now that it was down to the wire, everything was backfiring. I was stupid, plain and simple.

I continued to cry uncontrolably. Ugly sobs wracked my body as I tried to take in enough air to supply my body. I could hear mine and the babies' heart monitors speed up, mine from nearly hyperventilating and the babies' from the stress this was putting on them. I tried to calm myself, remembering the doctor's specific orders to avoid stressful situations to prevent any trauma being inflicted to the babies. I was doing a horrible job of that now while everything was crashing down around me.

My face stayed buried in my hands as my breathing calmed, my sobs turning into shuddering breaths. Finally, I pulled my hands away from my face and searched for tissues. Preston's hand came into my vision, holding the roll of toilet paper from the bathroom out to me. I looked up at him, thanking him with my eyes as I tore off a few sheets. He must have left to the bathroom while I was nearly having a panic attack.

I wiped my face and blew my nose, setting the used tissue on the stand beside my bed. I took a deep breath before I looked back to Preston, who had taken a seat in the chair beside my bed again. He held my gaze steadily, waiting patiently for me to begin answering his questions. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, feeling the babies squirm as much as they could with the little space they had left in there. Luckily, they'd be out soon and they'd have all the room in the world to move and be active.

I didn't realize I was smiling softly until Preston spoke to me again, breaking the silence that had settled in the room.

"O'Reilly," he said, his voice soft yet stern. He wanted his answers that he definitely deserved.

The smile slipped from my face and I sighed. I kept my arms around me and looked down into my lap.

"I had thought about telling you a lot," I admitted in a low voice. "I thought about it all the time, actually." I felt my eyes begin to sting with fresh tears, but I willed them away. "I wanted to tell you, but I kept convincing myself that I shouldn't, that it was better if I didn't. I wanted to write it to you or tell you over the phone or tell you when we had video chats. But, I always chickened out." I gave a humorless, bitter chuckle. "I'm such an idiot."

Preston took my hand in his and rubbed circles over the back of it with his thumb.

"I just don't know why you wouldn't tell me," he stated, sighing at the end. "It's not like I would've cared, angel. I would've been happy for you, and I still am, I'm just kinda pissed that you didn't tell me months ago."