JHOPE
⚫️ Angst / Fluff?
"Jagi?" You call out to your husband as you knock on the door lightly. "Jagi I have to pee." You whine tiredly.
It's 3 am and you awoke having to obviously pee and your husband is hogging the bathroom for far too long now. You could feel the painful clench from your lower body as you flinch, frantically knocking on the door once more. "Jagi I really have to go."
All you hear is a sigh and mumbling but yet the door open, and no voice answered you. You became annoyed with the silence. "Jung Hoseok! I heard you sigh, open the door!" You call out, banging on he door with emphasis to your words.
"Y/N." Is all he says and you freeze your frantic knocking as you lean against the door in concern. His voice was hoarse as if he's been crying for some time. It worries you and the uncomfortable feeling in your bladder isn't helping.
You scratch the back of your neck. "Jagi.. What's the matter?" You ask quietly holding your hand out toward the door. You long past forgot about your bladder. Your bladder is not nearly as important as your husband at the moment.
"Use the other bathroom." He says bluntly, but yet it's quite muffled because of the door. You frown as you try to open the door but just like the other times, it's locked.
"Jagi are you pooping or is there something wrong with you?" You ask with a hint of annoyance thinking it's the first rather than the latter.
"Y/N I SAID LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE- ahh." He yells out but ends up groaning and you could hear faint sloshing in the toilet.
Hearing the sounds make you grab the doorknob in sadness. You close your eyes in pain as you rest your head against the doorframe. "I thought we were doing better." You whisper against the doorframe, not even surprised that he doesn't answer. Going to the draw you get the bathroom key and go back to the door. "I know I said I wouldn't use this but you leave me no choice."
Opening the door you glance at the floor in sadness and disappointment. Their laid Hoseok on the floor heaving heavily over the toilet bowl. Crouched down, holding the toilet bowl with an iron grip, two of his left fingers glisten with saliva in the moonlight.
"Go... Away." He mumbles slowly and so weakly it breaks your heart as you keep a grip on the door knob.
"You said we'd work on it, Hoseok. That you would fight.. What is this? You're just falling back into darkness.. Can't you see the joy in your life? Why do you continue to do this?!" You started off calmly but can't help but yell at him in the end do to your frustration and pain he has caused you.
"It's a habit." He says as he turns over to stare at your eyes after calming down. "I couldn't help it.. I just can't help it." He mumbles looking down to the floor not being able to hold your gaze due to shame. "The boys and I visited so many places today. And there was so much good food, I couldn't help eating it all, Jagiya." He says whispering your name at the end as if hesitant to say the endearing name.
You say nothing as you begin cleaning the mess around the bathroom. Straightening up the sink, picking the objects Hoseok probably threw during his hissy fit, and walked out the bathroom. Still you wouldn't say a word to Hoseok as you made your says ou of your bathroom to go downstairs and use the downstairs bathroom, which you absolutely wanted to avoid because you are tired and lazy. So you definitely aren't in the best of moods.
You didn't say anything when you came back into the room as you go straight to your side of the bed and laying down, your back to Hoseok who was staring at you the whole time from his side of the bed.
"Jagiya?" He whispers. "How mad are you at me?" Again he is met by silence. "Y/N-yah I know you are still awake, please don't ignore me." He says in a fragile voice.
It hurt your heart just how sensitive your husband is, but it frustrates you that you care and he doesn't nearly as much as you do.
You turn around to face him however your eyes are still closed not wanting to see him however you don't want to make him even more upset even though it's entirely his fault.
"I'm pissed, Hoseok." You say answering his question as you try to get into a more comfortable position. "I'm starting to think this is a waste of my time." You say truthfully venting your frustrations.
Hoseok said quiet but you knew he heard you from the way his breathing hitched and you can hear his shaky breathes. It worries you, but he brought this on himself.
"You think I'm a waste of time?" He says slowly, perhaps in clarification and you ball your left fist up.
"No. I'm tired of trying to fight your battles alone-"
"-I've been getting better." He says hurriedly trying to convince you for the better. "I can go a few months without throwing up and eating too much every few weeks. I'm getting better.." He says as if there is hope.
"Hoseok." You snap. "You aren't getting better, you are falling back into your old habits. You throw up when I'm sleeping and I don't know how many times you have done this throughout our months together and not together. How can I trust you anymore?" You ask seriously.
Hoseok gulps and looks down at his hands as he sits up. Sitting up made the bed dip more under his weight making you scoot closer to him. "A-Are you trying to b-break up with me?" Hoseok says timidly his voice cracking in pain. "Is this what you're trying to lead up to?"
You stay quiet as you open your eyes and look up at Hoseok. The moonlight shines brightly in your dark bedroom. Lighting up his terrfied face perfectly as your heart began to ache at such a negative emotion on his face. His blonde hair tousled everywhere, his dark eyes looking at you, almost watery.
"I'm not sure if I'm just warning you of what will happen or this is truly me ending things now-" You began before Hoseok leaned over to grab our cheeks smoothing them together. You began getting annoyed until you saw his heartbroken face.
"I don't want you to leave me." He whispers earnestly as he caresses your face softly. "You're my love."
"Then you must try." You say immeadiantly as you pull his hands away. "I love you like no other but I swear Hoseok- sometimes I wanna smack you more than I want to kiss you." You say balling both fists now
"I understand." Hoseok says as you looks out the window but doesn't try to touch me again." I will try so much more but it's not easy. I had this for so long. You never had a disorder in your life or know anyone but me that has one. It is not easy."
"I know. This is the reason why I am staying." You say as you unclench your fists and turn around to lay on your stomach. "I love you, Hoseok."
"Y/N I love you so much.. I want you in my life so much more than more urge to eat as much as I want." Hoseok says turning around and laying beside you before taking one of your hands into his as he presses a kiss to your forehead.
"Hoseok.. I love you too. It just hurts to see the man I love doing something so destructive to themselves." You say breathlessly.
"I'll try my best, I promise."
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- Bulimia -
Lie by BTS
Published 5/5/17
1344 words
