Praying to the Moon

Chapter Fifteen- The Confirmation

Everyone had gone to Luca's soccer game by the time I got home. It couldn't have been better timing, I really needed to be alone right now. I walked inside and lay flat on my back on the floor. I stared at the ceiling, as I had done when I was a child. I once wished upon the same ceiling to be a famous writer, I was now wishing to have everything disappear. To an extent, I suppose I was talking about myself as well.

I wasn't sure if I believed in a god but I sure as hell would be taking any chance I could to fix everything. I begged and I cried for everything to be fixed. I made promise after promise to do anything to please god. Just please fix my life for me, show me how I can fix this.

My sadness and shock turned to anger, I was so angry at James. He was the one that did all of this and yet I was here cleaning up the mess. If I was pregnant, there was no way he could be majorly involved in this kids life. He's a criminal and now going to prison. How the hell will I do this on my own? I still have years before I graduate. This isn't fair. I pulled my mattress off the base and threw it across the room. I screamed from the bottom of my lungs, a warm flush rushed over my body. With every kick to the mattress my body begun to feel more at ease. The adrenaline encouraged me to throw everything on the floor, cursing and screaming.

An hour had passed by the time I composed myself. To anyone watching I must have looked like a tragic mess, but it was just what I needed. I felt transformed and empowered, my anger was no longer boiling. I sat down on the floor next to the big pile of clothes and upside down mattress.

"I can do this. I'll do it here, I can make this work."
I promised this to myself, stating each word over and over again like a chant. I moved my hand down towards my belly, it was the first time I realised something might actually be there. Suddenly, I was startled back into reality by the ringing sound of my phone.

"Hello."
My voice was shaky, adrenaline still partially boosting through my body.
"Hi Lily. This is Dr Lee. I'm just calling to let you know that your results have returned if you'd like to come back in."
I looked around at the mess I had created, there was no way I could leave it like this. I also wasn't sure if I was in the best frame of mind to be driving.
"Is there any chance you could give me the results over the phone? I'm just a bit preoccupied at the moment and I don't think I'll be able to get down there today."
I started getting heart palpitations, my anxiety was enjoying the presence of adrenaline.
"Sure that's fine. I just wanted to let you know that the test came back positive. Congratulations. We will need to set up a scan. So if you could come in and see us next week or call to organise one that would be great."
I let out a heavy breath of air. It was official.
"Great, thanks very much Dr Lee."

I'm not sure whether it was shock or responsibility that kicked in but I decided to clean up and organise my room. I blasted optimistic music through my bass speakers, causing the entire house to shake. By the time I was finished my room was spotless, as if I had never returned home. I think part of myself was trying to prove that I could do this alone.

A few hours later my family arrived home, Luca was ecstatic from being awarded player of the day. While he was upstairs figuring out where to put the trophy I decided to sit my parents down in the lounge. I could tell they knew it was something serious.
"Okay I know everything has been really intense lately since I came home and I'm really sorry. I know this has probably been just as horrible for you guys as it has been for me. I wish I could tell you something more positive but I don't think you'll take it that way. Uh, so. The doctor confirmed today that I'm pregnant."
My parents sat silent for several seconds, expressions of shock overcame their neutral expressions.
"I'm so so sorry. I can do this though. I will do this."
Tears slowly slipped down my mums face. I was heartbroken to see my mum cry over this.
"Mum I'm so sorry."
My mum edged herself off the sofa and walked towards me, arms open.
"I know you can do this. It's a bit earlier than we would want for you but you'll make it work."
I fell into my mums arms, silently crying.
"Thank you. I will still make a good life out of all of this. You'll see."
My dad placed his hand on his forehead. I could tell he was thinking about what to do.
"Is this James' kid?"
"Dad of course. I've only been with James."
"We will all make this work kid. I trust you'll move back in here?"
"I think so."