Do You Want To Know a Secret?

24. For No One

"Stu, he-he," She whimpered in a thick German accent being consoled by Pete as he rubbed her arms reassuringly. I took the sunglasses that were on my face and placed them on top of my head to get a better look of Astrid, the girl I'd heard so much about.

"He passed away." She looked up at the boys with sadness overtaking her whole body.

"What?" John looked as if his world was crashing down in front of him.

"I'm so sorry John." She whispered, a tear running down her eye. Everyone stood completely wordless in a moment of grave silence.

Without a word, John stormed back upstairs looking severely upset, not even staying to know the cause of his friend's death.

"H-how did it happen?" Paul asked sorrowfully, his eyes clouded over with dolefulness.

"He had a brain hemorrhage, he just fell one day and-" She couldn't even finish her sentence without burying her face into Pete arm and breaking down in tears.

"What's wrong?" My uncle asked concerned as he walked up to the group of us.

"Stu is, dead." Paul looked at the floor with an empty look on his face, clearly trying to process his old band mates death.

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The rest of the afternoon was quite sorrowful after the news of Stuart's early death. We had brought Astrid and the boys up to my uncle and I's cramped hotel room because John had locked himself in the boys' room as he wallowed in his sorrows for his dear friend. From what I understood John and Stuart were very close mates back then in their band days together, so it was no surprise it was hitting him the hardest.

The boys recalled some stories of their time as a band all together, becoming now bittersweet memories that they looked back on woefully.

After about an hour, John joined us with bloodshot eyes. He didn't speak much, but he had asked wearily about Stuart's death, not knowing fully if he wanted to know the answer. While she explained what had happened to him, John covered his mouth with his hand in attempt to stop himself from breaking down.

"Can I go to the house? Where he-" John asked softly sitting on the edge of the bed I was sitting on after awhile of sitting silently while John fought hard to hold back sobs.

"Of course." Astrid smiled dolefully. John stood up prepared to go.

"Now?" She asked with slight confusion. He simply nodded.

She nodded back understandingly at the grieving boy and stood up.

"Can I come too?" George asked from beside me, looking up with the situation clearly weighing heavily on his shoulders. She nodded with a small grin, and with a quick goodbye squeeze of my hand, George got up and joined them.

Astrid, John and George left after they'd asked Pete and Paul if they'd like to join, but they both politely declined, I think it was simply too much for Pete and Paul, whereas for John and George I could tell they deeply needed closure.

"I'm going to go get some fresh air, anyone want to come?" I asked sombrely as I rose from the bed. Pete and my uncle shook their heads, still feeling extremely down, and my uncle clearly worrying out of his mind about this whole trip, because so far it wasn't going anywhere near his plan. Paul cleared his throat and spoke up.

"I'll come." He agreed and got up from the other bed.

We left the hotel being greeted by the cold wintery morning. We started to walk down the sidewalk in silence until Paul spoke up.

"I wanted him out of the band." Paul whispered  sadly with a guilt ridden conscious. I looked over at him, seeing he had tears in his eyes.

"I thought his bass playing was shite." He laughed slightly before biting his lip to hold himself back from letting tears fall. He shook his head and looked at his shoes.

"Paul." I stopped him, grabbing his arm lightly. He looked at me frowning, obviously very depressed over his rocky past with Stuart.

"It's alright to not be okay, but please don't beat yourself up." I spoke with creased eyebrows, worried that he was blaming himself for things he couldn't control. If his mind wandered too much I wasn't sure what he would do.

He pulled me into a hug which I returned warmly. He buried his head in my shoulder and I rubbed his back comfortingly, I couldn't stand to see the boys like I had seen them today, it was breaking my heart for them.

When he pulled away he wiped his eyes quickly, embarrassed.

"I think I got some tears on you shoulder." He spoke meekly and sniffled, laughing a bit.

"That's alright." I laughed along with him.

"Look at me," he chuckled. "I'm a blubbering mess," he put his palms to his eyes to wipe them. I laughed along lightheartedly with him as we received slight strange looked from other people passing us considering we were stopped in the middle of the busy sidewalk.

"Care to grab lunch?" He asked politely, trying to lighten the mood.

"Of course." I smiled back at him making his eyes brighten.

We decided on a small diner we found that looked less busy than the others and ordered our food. We made small talk for awhile until we got our food, then we feel silent for a moment as we ate.

"Poppy," Paul looked at me with a look of almost seemed to be pain, or, fear in his eyes. He had barely eaten anything off of his plate yet, he seemed a little anxious and on edge.

I hummed in response, having just put a fry in my mouth.

"Can I tell you something?" He asked gently grabbing my hand I had on the table.

"Of course." I spoke encouraging putting my other hand on his so his hand was between mine.

"You have to promise not to tell anyone, especially not George, or Brian." He spoke solemnly making my fill with curiosity. I nodded looking at him intently, interested in what he was about to say.

"W-Well," he breathed out shakily taking a pause.

"I had, feelings for you." He breathed making my heart come to a complete stop.

"Y-y-y'what?" I spoke under my breath completely speechless.

He retracted his hand away.

"I shouldn't have told you," he put his head in his hands for a second.

"It's not like that anymore, after I heard you say "I love you" to George, I took some time to myself. I realized you and George are so good together." He explained nervously making my brain completely explode. Paul watched me closely for any sort of reaction, but I stayed emotionless, completely lost as I tried to process everything that had happened today thus far.

"Everything with Stu," Paul sighed. "Life is too short. I needed to tell you how I felt, and that I'm sorry." He said, his bright brown eyes boring into mine. I leaned back in my seat and looked out the window, avoiding his eyes. Suddenly I hadn't much of an appetite anymore, I felt so stupid. I missed every sign that looking back was so obvious.

"I'm sorry." I gulped looking back to him miserably, he deserved someone great, and I'd never even given him a second thought in that way.

"It's not your fault." He assured me looking still slightly tense, I understood why he felt he needed to tell me and I appreciated his honesty, but I had never even imagined Paul would ever look at me that way.

"I hope this doesn't effect our friendship. I do truly treasure it." He said fidgeting with his hands on the table.

"It doesn't affect anything." I nodded slightly still avoiding direct eye contact. I took a sip from my coke bottle, it didn't effect my friendship with Paul, did it?