Above the waves

6

~Nate~

I look out onto the waves from my balcony. Maybe I should take a night surf.

I hear her come in and I turn around. "Tasha?"

"You didn't go tonight." She says in a neutral tone, looking around my room like she hasn't seen it in a while.

"Tasha. I told you. I don't go. Okay?" I say, walking towards her.

"And why don't you go?" She asks, her eyebrows raised.

"You know why. Everyone sees me differently now. And I may be too shy to go." I say with a shrug.

She sighs. "It's been nine years, Nate. We all may still carry some little part of us that wishes we could've helped her but you have a different case. You hurt her, Nate. You brought this on yourself. Stop running from it."

I take a long look at my little sister and a small smile crosses my face.

"Tasha, why would she want to talk to me after what I did to her? It lasted for a year. I ignored her for a year. And we were eight." I say, sitting on my bed and patting down the space beside me for her to sit. "Normal eight year olds don't do that."

"I talked to her you know. I asked her if you both were okay. She said she didn't know." She sits down beside me and puts her head on my shoulder. "She forgave you remember? That Easter day in church. She talked to you first after one hard year of you ignoring her and told you she forgave you. And then you just had to ignore her again and not talk to her."

"Tasha..."

"No, Nate. You can't lie to yourself. I know you're not really happy. You have faith in God, you share about Him. You go to church. But like it says in the Bible, 'you can't let your anger last till after the sun sets.' Even anger for yourself." She says softly.

"When did you grow up?" I ask her with a smile.

She smiles and shrugs. "Maybe you've been too busy with your girlfriend and surfing to notice."

My smile turns into a sad one and she notices. She looks up at me.

"Nate, please don't hurt yourself and Sav anymore. I see both of you and what this 'no talking' thing does to you. Besides, you can't find peace in yourself even if you have God, if you don't forgive and let go." She kisses my cheek and walks out.

I am so missing out on my little sister. I gotta make it up to her. She may be fifteen but she sure acts mature and wise. More than me.

I walk to her room and open the door the way she did to me.

"Tasha? Wanna go out for a surf?" I ask.

She looks up at me from her phone and smiles.

After telling our parents, we run down to the beach.

The wind toys with our hair and she laughs.

We carry our surfboards into the water and paddle.

"Tasha? I'll make it up to you." I say.

She shakes her head. "Nah. Do it for you, for Sav. Seeing you both really happy would make me happy."

I stand up and balance myself. Soon we're up and surfing but my mind can't get off this sudden seriousness of my sister.

Did Savannah say something to her at the bonfire? Does she miss me as much as I secretly miss her? Well, it's obviously not a secret but I tell myself that. Maybe to deny the truth that I really miss her and feel bad for all I've done.