{HER POV}
We were at my door step. This is so weird.
Sure, I've liked and have had feelings for James for quiet some time.
But, even though we kiss and we just went on a date, we still act like best friends.
I've told Kay about everything.
Well, before this 'thing' between James and I happened.
She would always mock me saying how I LOVE James.
But, really I'm not one who believes in love. I mean, sure I want the cute tumblr relationship. Hell doesn't every teenage girl with hormones? Love never works out for any one. Everyone always gets hurt, and I've been hurt enough times. I don't want to have any more. Also, no can convince me love is real. It's an 'indescribable feeling'? anything can be described. Simple science. There is no way it can't.
"Hello?"
James says waving a hand in front of my face.
I didn't even realize, I was in my own little world.
"Hmm?"
"I was just saying good night since we're at your house. And also how I had an amazing time," he holds one of my hands with his then snakes the other around my waist. "And that I really thought you looked beautiful, and that I really want to kiss you."
I smiled at his kind words but when he leaned in to kiss me I decided to tease him a little bit so I turned my head so he'd kiss my cheek.
He groaned and I smiled as his lips connected with my cheek.
He pulled back, and I said blankly.
"Sorry, I don't kiss on the first date."
He rolls his eyes and I smile, as he pulls me into the kiss. His lips burned mine, the warmth was amazing.
I put my arms around his neck and stand on my tip toes so we can deepen the kiss.
His lips move with mine so perfectly.
They are rough yet soft feeling. And the way his tongue slips into my mouth just creates butterflies in my stomach.
We pull away and I slowly get back to myself standing normally.
"I'll call you." He says with a smile.
"You better." I say and hug him tightly.
Before walking into my house and shutting the door.
I walk to my couch, and sit down.
I take a deep breath and regret asking him not to stay with me.
My house is so quiet and lonely. I am the only one here and I feel like it's my fault my parents chose jobs far away. So they could avoid me.
They don't even call to see how I'm doing.
I barely know what my parents look like any more.
The only thing I have is a tape my mom made when I was little, it's of her singing.
She has the most beautiful voice.
I play it when ever I'm alone at night.
Which is most nights.
I do my nightly routine and take off all my make up and wrap up my cuts in bandages, so they'll heal faster.
I am deciding to stop cutting. I have someone great in my life, what's the point of cutting. I'd miss him.
I put on my pajamas. And crawl into bed, put my headphones in and listen to the tape of my mother.
"Hi sweet heart,"
hearing this makes tears start to form in my eyes and I can't help but cry about how much I miss them, and how much they don't care about me anymore.
"Happy 10th birthday. I miss you so so so much. I know you're a big girl now. But I wanted to sing you to sleep like I used to. So here we go sweetie. I love you I miss you happy birthday.
Hold me close and hold me fast.
This magic spell you cast.
This is la vie en rose."
Her voice is so soft, full of love, and care.
(Another reason why I don't believe in love. The ones you love the most always leave.)
I start to cry harder at the thought of never seeing her again, never being able to just talk about stuff. Never her to guide me.
I can't help but hold the bear under my bed they got me when I was born.
I cry into the soft fur of the stuffed toy and gradually fall to sleep.
Thinking of loss, sadness, and the only light I have. James.
