Hamilton One Shots

Failure (Lams)

I sat down next to my best friend, Alexander, in the grassy field. He stared down at the ground with tears brimming his eyes.

"Hey..." I greeted.

"I'm so sorry, Laurens," He choked out, "I should've been there for you."

Tears started to slip down his face before he quickly wiped them away with the sleeve of his shirt.

"It wasn't your fault," I insisted, looking at him with pleading eyes. It wasn't his fault at all. There was nothing he could do about it.

"I'm sorry for being a failure all the time," He laughed dryly before breaking out into more tears.

"Please, Alex. Failure? Look at you, working under George Washington. That's amazing! You have a beautiful child, have an amazing talent for writing, and an great job. If anyone's the failure It's me, Hamilton. I wasn't good enough for my dad or for Francis, I wasn't' good enough to Martha or my daughter, and I sure wasn't good enough for you. I mean, you and Eliza are so happy with each other- I know I'm jealous of that, but I know I could've never made you happy like she does. I still miss the "platonic" kisses and lovely letters we would give each other before you were married. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Martha. I was just....scared. I loved you way to much to let you go. I feel like such a wimp for letting my dad push me around my whole life. Beating me, forcing me to take Law School, getting mad if I ever did anything 'gay'. I hate myself, Alex, I hate myself so much. Sometimes I wonder if I was put on this earth to simply be a failure," I gushed, letting tears to start roll down my face.

"John..." He whimpered a little bit, still staring directly at the ground, "I can't even find the words to describe what I want to say to you."

"It's okay, I understand," I whispered so quiet it was barely audible.

"John you mean so much to me, I'm so so so so sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've done something."

"Please stop, Alexander. There's nothing you could of done," I reassured while leaning my head on his shoulder.

"You need to stop blaming yourself so much," I laughed through my tears.

After a few seconds of us just sitting there in silence he finally spoke.

"Eliza is going to start to worry where I am. I better get home, Laurens. I love you, never forget it," He told me before standing to his feet.

"I know there is so much we still need to talk about but- I just can't right now. It's too hard for me. I will come back soon...I promise," He smiled weakly. It wasn't a real smile and we both knew it.

I stared at him with tear-filled eyes just wanting him to stay a little longer. I enjoyed his company so much and I'd miss it.

"Goodbye my dearest, John Laurens."

"Goodbye Alexander," I whispered back as I watched him leave my tombstone.

A/N
Sorry my writing's bad. It matches the terrible week I've had.

Five essays/projects, four tests, and we're leaning about really difficult sections in Science and History (It's old world which SUCKS) so the homework sheets are IMPOSSIBle. And don't even get me started on math. PLUS, I got a role part in a HUGE play, so I've got a ton of lines to memorize. A poem I've got to learn by Friday. I lost one of the essays I completed. I plugged the USB into the computer to save it so I could print it in Study Hall and it DIED. DIED! So, I have to completely retype it. Not to mention I'm running art club now since the art teacher dropped out from "MIGRAINES". I'm getting headaches all the time too because of the stress. I also have to jungle my therapy assignments, appointments, and everything else a normal human being has to do like eating, chores, and drama.

I. Want. To. Die.

I hate private school so much, I'm stressed all the time. It's like they expect that we have nothing else to do with our lives.

Sorry for that little rant. It was more to let you know that I'm busy and will only have time to write at 11 PM to 4 AM, that is if I don't want to just pass out and never wake up by the end of the day.

Okay sorry, I love you guys. Sorry this was the best I could give you for right now. I'll try to work on Part 2 for the Youtuber AU tonight. I might make the Youtuber AU a little series in this one shot book.