[kim namjoon pov.]
i turned the key in the keyhole and opened the door.
sighing, i let my backpack fall to the ground and went upstairs. the school day was pretty exhausting and i needed some time off.
i didn't have any hobbies, because i did all the things i loved in school. i got in my room and fell on my bed.
my parents wouldn't be here until late evening, they were so hardworking for me to live the life i loved. i felt as such a burden to them, to pick such an unsafe career. my dad was a businessman for a company and i didn't see him a lot. he stood up at 4am every morning to get ready, and returned around 11pm. sometimes, when there was a lot of work for him to do, he didn't sleep at all and stayed at work for two days.
i loved him so much, even though he probably secretly thought what a stupid son he had for wishing he could pursue an artistic career.
the same applied to my mother. my dear mother, that stood up even earlier to prepare breakfast every day. breakfast that i would not even eat because of how much i hated my body. and i hated myself for not eating the breakfast even more, my mother lacked sleep because of it.
i didn't recognize, but tears slipped down my cheeks. i felt embarrassed, even though there was nobody that saw them. i felt weak.
why was i such a stupid person? why did i cry? i shouldn't be crying over this. disappointed in myself i angrily swiped the tears away and stood up, too hastily apparently, causing my head to spin a bit.
i didn't drink or eat anything today, which was kind of bad, even for me. so i decided to eat something while doing homework.
in the kitchen, i just grabbed a banana, not feeling well enough to eat anything bigger.
i sat down on a kitchen chair and started writing a song, the assignment we had to do in songwriting class. i didn't think about it too much, i just let my feelings crash, sending splitters through my whole body.
i wrote for fifteen minutes, reading the words while writing but at the same time i didn't. it was like my body couldn't stop, it just wrote word after word on the paper, as long as my mind told him to. and then it suddenly stopped.
i looked on the paper. there were lyrics scribbled all over it, forming a story, a story only i could understand.
lost my way; found my way.
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do you like lost? what's your favourite bts song(if you could choose, i couldn't tbh)
thank you for reading, any feedback is greatly appreciated!
- CHONS
YOU ARE READING
SELF-LOVE ↯ NAMJIN
Fanfictioni'm learning how to love myself. in which namjoon is desperate to find a little bit of love for himself, and it all seems to work out when a boy full of confidence walks into his life like the door is wide open.
