SELF-LOVE ↯ NAMJIN

thirteen » a d o r a t i o n

[kim namjoon pov.]

the midday sun shone through the blinds, but the rest of the room was completely dark.

seokjin stood in front of me and unpacked his tripod as well as his camera and lighting stuff while i watched him sitting down on my bed.

»now i just need you to look to your blinds, so that the sun is shining on you.« seokjin ordered and i did as he told me. he smiled at me and did i heard the camera click. he clapped and jumped exitedly regarding his finished project and hugged me. i just grinned and shook my head.

»thank you so much! now, how about we go out for some coffee?« seokjin asked and i smiled. »sure, why not? do you know a place we can go to?« »yeah, there's this one cute café down the street! i was there with my best friend jungho, and his girlfriend, or at least soon to be girlfriend works there.«

i nodded, excited to spend some time with seokjin. we put on our shoes and jackets and exited. walking down the pavement to the unfamiliar vintage-designed café that looked very cute in my opinion.

seokjin and i entered the room and a little bell rang over our heads, making the girl standing at the counter put her attention on us. »seokjin! it's nice to see you again. have you talked to jungho in the past days? he didn't call or text me at all.« she said, making me assume she was jungho's girlfriend.

»no, i didn't chaemin, sorry. i'll call him tomorrow. can we order?« seokjin replied and for the first time, chaemin noticed me. she eyed me up and down, and i felt like some kind of vegetable in a grocery store, being closely examined before you were satisfied with it.

if i would be that vegetable, i would've been thrown in the trash already. »sure. what do you and your little friend want?« she asked. it kinda hurt being called seokjin's friend. but that was all i was and needed to accept the reality.

»his name is namjoon, and i want a caramel cappuccino.« seokjin said and my cheeks tinted pink as he grabbed my hand protectively. »what do you want?« he asked, facing me.

i looked down in order to not let him look into my eyes, as he would easily see how hurt i was by chaemin's name for me. his friend. that was all i was. not more, not less. and it hurt, because he meant so much to me and i was nothing.

»i'll take the same.« i murmured, trying to escape the awkward situation as i didn't have any idea what coffee they sold at the café. seokjin squeezed my hand lightly, sending shivers down my spine.

»the same again, please.« he said to chaemin and dragged me behind him to a table with two chairs at the back of the room. i wouldn't say that i was uncomfortable, but i couldn't make myself feel at ease. the thought of me being so meaningless to seokjin, worthless almost, lingered stubbornly at the back of my head.

right then i noticed that seokjin's hand never left mine, and he was holding it tightly. i lowered my head in shame. i didn't deserve him, in any way possible.

»don't let chaemin's words affect you.« he suddenly said as if he was reading my mind. »she doesn't know a single thing about you, about us.« my head snapped up at the word 'us'. us. the fact that he used this word to describe seokjin's and mine's relationship to each other made my heart flutter.

i looked at him with the most admiration i could bring myself to show. it felt so unreal to have him, so lucky that he was in my life. every day got a bit better, a bit more bearable thanks to only him.

»thank you.« i whispered, but seokjin understood and leaned forward to my ear. »i'll tell you a secret. i never liked chaemin.« he pulled away and as we looked at each other, we had to stifle heavy laughter due to how ridiculous the situation was.

i didn't need to worry. right?

---

this chapter took me years to write because wattpad just plainly decided to delete half of it -.-"
anyways, thanks for reading and any kind of feedback, it's so appreciated :))
- CHONS