Killing Tink

Ch. 37

Tink felt warm and cozy under the blanket. Between the hot shower and the fuzzy blanket everything in her body seemed to stretch and settle. Her body. But also, the body of someone else. Someone without a baby. Someone without skin who'd borrowed hers and was crowding her out of it.

Unless John was right. Maybe she did look like someone else now. Someone scary. Someone no one would look for, and certainly not someone who would have children and put on dresses and hold her head high not caring what other people thought.

She thought about the walk to and from the shower. The smell was off. Way off. Dirty garbage and raw meat rotting in the sun. That's what she had smelled. And cold! Why was it so cold there. John said it was a place with patients. A half way house. But it didn't feel like halfway. It felt like a house, but not a house.

Her hair smelled nice. And her skin tingled. She was clean. Or the other she was clean. Maybe they were both clean, but something under her skin still felt dirty.  She'd done well with John. He liked her just like Stash did-- obedient. She'd made mistakes with Stash. She wasn't smart enough to stay in the lines. Mrs. Tuttle had always told her how important it was to stay in the lines. She'd never understood. It was about times like these. Times when you were the bug in the jar. Waiting for the jar to be lifted. That's what had to happen. John had to trust her enough to lift the jar. Then she could run.

But why would she run from John? Hadn't he given her everything? Hadn't he saved her from death, from the ties, from even the nurses who tried to hurt her?  But had he?  The other her must be confusing her. That had to be what was happening. The her in the mirror. The bad her.

John opened the outer door and the gate and started what he did best. Talking. Talking in circles just to hear his mouth moving. Maybe some people liked that. Patients. Maybe patients liked that. Maybe one of her did too. Tink. Or jade. Or Hope. Or the girl in the mirror. But she didn't. She felt angry when he talked to her all the time.

"I bought some groceries Hope. I was thinking maybe you'd feel well enough to come out for dinner. Just something easy and soft. And there will be rules. Rules are important."

The words crawled in and out like worms peeking through soft garden dirt. Out. In the house. Dinner. Out. Her skin felt tingly and light. Out. She sat up in the bed and rubbed her eyes making sure she wasn't imagining things. There he was, slightly disheveled but there none the less. Beady eyes waiting like a snake for words. Always waiting.

"I'd like that. Very much actually. Should I do anything to get ready?"

She watched him smile, weirdly it made her feel better. She had answered correctly. She was winning. He was much easier than Stash, and she was going to dinner. Out. Out of the cage which no longer felt safe and secure. It felt... stifling and still.

"That's great Hope. I'm happy you'll be joining us. My family will be there so it's best behavior only. My wife isn't the warmest, but she'll get used to you. The patients always make her s little nervous. But you aren't just a patient are you? Sophie though, you'll love her."

Tink felt adrenaline rush through her blood. His family! It wasn't bad. Shut up other voices. His family was there. She was safe and secure. She needed to get a handle on things, pull herself together before she drove herself mad. She could do this. John would help. Focus, Tink, Focus.

"I'd love to meet them. If they're ok with it. Could you tell them though- what I look like? I don't want to scare them."

John walked to the cot and knelt down next to her putting a hand on her forehead and whispering in her ear. His breath was warm and the wisps of long hair by her ear swayed and tickled as he spoke.

"Things aren't always as they appear Hope. An apple that's dark is still sweet and sometimes even juicier than one that looks perfect. Can you see that? No one here will judge you, I'll make sure of that. You're beautiful, and if you don't see it, we can fix that, once you're rested and feel better inside."

His breathy whispers made her feel wiggly. His hand stayed on her head and slowly moved down toward her neck where it rested.

She wasn't afraid. She felt blank. Empty. Waiting for one of the her's to tell her what was supposed to happen but everything was wiggly and so silent. His lips stayed next to her ear and his breath came and went in tiny puffs. His hand moved down the blanket and stopped on her chest cupping her breast and squeezing.

Tink stayed still and waiting. All the muscles that had stretched and relaxed with the blanket fired warnings and twitches but she didn't listen. It was just a hand. She remembered his words. Out. Dinner. She wasn't ruining this. She was going out.

He pulled back away from her almost angrily clearing his throat and smoothing back his hair.

"I'm going to get dinner started and get everyone ready. I'll be back for you but you have to be on your best behavior Hope. One chance. That's my rule. Don't scream or run or do anything to scare my Sophie, or you will rot here. Do you understand?"

Tink nodded and pulled her knees to her chest. She understood. She'd be good and make sure Sophie liked her, no matter what.

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Next chapter should be very interesting. John's worlds collide and Tink gets a dose of reality- if that can happen. I'm thinking there are three chapters left. Or less. Let's see how dinner goes!