the screen loaded a blured john watson smiling at him and sherlock smiled back, "hi."
"hey." john replied with a grin. "have you been eating?" he asked.
sherlock groaned, adding a sigh as he put his face in his hands. "john.." he whined.
"look, i care about you!" he said. "i just need to know that you're eating. that's the only thing i'll ask, promise."
sherlock rubbed his face and looked at john through the screen. "yes." he lied. this was a mistake. john would find out he wasn't eating and he would get mad again, but sherlock didn't want him to worry.
"are you lying?" john asked, raising an eyebrow.
"no." sherlock said and tugged on the sleeve of his sweater, looking into his lap. he yelled at himself internally because he promised john he'd tell him the truth.
"look, love, i'm not going to get mad if you're not eating." john said softly.
"you're just going to tell me to eat and then i don't. we've been through this before." sherlock said as his eyes looked back up to the screen.
there was a deep sigh from john and the sound of him leaning back in his desk chair. he put his chin in his hand and watched sherlock. "i care about you."
"i know." sherlock replied swiftly.
there was silence. a long pause of silence as john watched sherlock through the screen, watched him keep his head down because he was too afraid to look at him. too afraid that he'd shout, too afraid that he'd say something hurtful, but john wasn't like that. he was never like that to sherlock. there were a few nicknames here, but that was just.. normal. nicknames were normal, but name calling wasn't. john never called any one a hurtful name, unless it was his friends, but that was different. he always praised sherlock in nicknames that were sweet.
"why can't you care about yourself then?" john asked. "why?"
"i care about myself." sherlock admitted quietly.
"you're a fucking twig! no body wants to be around a skelton!" john exclaimed, making sherlock shut his eyes tightly. "you're killing yourself again. you're killing yourself and you have yet to think about the people who care about you."
sherlock sniffled quietly. "i have." he said softly, trying not to make his voice crack. he still hadn't looked up.
"no you haven't." john said sternly.
"yes i have!" sherlock shouted, looking up at the camera, tears streaming down his cheeks. "i'm trying," sherlock said, sniffling, as he pushed his bangs back, "i'm trying to take care of myself, but you're making it too hard."
"how?" john asked. "how am i making it hard, by reminding you to eat?"
"because you fucking pester me with it!" sherlock said harshly, anger building up. "every fucking day it's "have you eaten?" or "are you still getting bullied?". you never ask "how are you?". you have never asked me that."
"but-"
"no." sherlock said sternly, holding up a finger. "no." he said again, biting back the sobs. "asking me if i am getting bullied is not the same thing as asking me how i am doing. and if you ever asked, you'd find out that i'm doing awful and you'd also find out a lot of other things because maybe i wouldn't lie to you."
john's face softened. "sherlock.." he said calmly, looking at his crying boyfriend.
"goodnight, john." sherlock said and disconnected the call.
john slammed his laptop shut and kicked himself. he pushed him again. he pushed sherlock and he didn't mean to. he put his elbows on his desk then put his face in his hands, sighing heavily. he rose from his chair and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
johnnyboy: i'm sorry.
johnnyboy: can you please talk to me about this? i just want to know.
johnnyboy: you said you're doing awful, but how are you really doing?
johnnyboy: sherlock. please.
curlyholmes: goodnight.
