I Can't Do This Anymore (BBxRae)

A tear slid down my face as I sat on my bed. "T? You okay? You've been I'm your room all day..." Speedy said, his voice trailing off. "Hm? Oh, I'm fine. I just...don't feel well." I said. You could tell he was about to say more, but he simply walked away. I began to cry again, wondering what I've done. My memory was never gone, but what could I do? Tell Beast Boy the truth? Maybe he would be angry and none of the Titans would forgive me. Or maybe he'd ask me to join them again. I couldn't do that; I was running from my old life. I didn't want to fight anymore, and I couldn't tell him the truth. I let another tear fall from my eye, but I quickly wiped it away. Pull it together, Terra. I told myself. I knew I couldn't sit here all day, so I pulled out my diary. My diary knew everything about me; things not even Speedy knew. I thought that if I wrote my story down in book form it would seem less real, and easier to talk about. I took a deep breath and picked up the pencil.

Dear Diary,
Here's my story. I know I've written it down more than 3 times already, but this will be different. More detailed, and in a published book form.

"The girl you want me to be is just a memory." I said, which was semi-true. But she wasn't just his memory; she was mine too. I tried not to let everything out as I walked away. I told them I didn't want to fight anymore. My mind hadn't changed, so I enrolled in HS when Raven's spell set everybody free. I didn't want to have attention drawn to me anymore, so I did the only thing I could. The problem was just because I didn't want to fight anymore doesn't mean I want innocents to get hurt. I remember going to the T-tower and reading Raven's spell books over her shoulder. Just as she opened her book she turned around, as if she knew I was there. I didn't have time to hide, and she saw me.

"You know, if you wanted to borrow a couple of books you can just ask." She said in her usual monotone voice. I stood there on my floating rock, my mouth hanging open slightly. "It's rude to stare you know." She said. I shook my head as if to clear my head and came in. She gave me a stack of books which I hadn't asked for, and I gave her a questioning look. "You wanted books on how to go back a few moments in time, right?" She said. I nodded, still a little confused about how she was reading my mind. "Raven, can I ask you something?" I asked. She nodded slightly and I asked the question I had wondered about for a while. "Do you think I should go back to my old life?" I asked quietly. "Do you want my honest opinion?" She asked me. I nodded, knowing Raven would be logical about this matter.

"I know you didn't want to fight anymore, but maybe if you stepped out of your comfort zone and fought different villains you'd feel better." She told me. "What do you mean?" I asked, perplexed. "I honestly think you should join Titans East." She told me, her eyes piercing mine. "Should I tell the others? I mean, that I remember everything?" I asked. "I'm gonna go ahead and say no. Isn't that why you lied to Beast Boy?" She said, her amethyst eyes turning cold. "Can I tell you something?" I asked. She nodded and the coldness left her eyes ever so slightly. "When I was dating Beast Boy, some of it was fake." I said. "I would be lying if I said that everything between Beast Boy and I was fake. Some of it was all an act, but...before Slade came at the fair..." I said. My voice trailed off, not wanting to tell her what happened.

"He wasn't only the first person to steal my heart, but he was also my best friend. He understood me more than anyone on Earth. Or Azarath or Tamaran for that matter." I said. "What you mean 'fake'?" She asked me, her voice practically a growl. "I mean, I had to do a little acting to get close to you guys." I said as if it was obvious. "How much of all these friendships were fake?" She said. "Um, like, 75% of everything was fake, duh." I said. "You should leave." Raven said, her eyes practically daggers now. "Oh, and by the way, if you don't want to fight crime, you could always get a job as an actress. You're really good at that." She said, a smirk on her face and hurt in her eyes. "Well at least I don't through temper tantrums." I retorted. "I can read minds, see through other's eyes, detect emotions, I have telekinesis, and the only downside is I can never show emotions. And what can you do? Pick up rocks and dirt." She said, hurt leaving her eyes and being replaced with anger.

"Ouch Rae, that hurt. But I'd rather be able to throw rocks than have to act like I'm a robot." I said. She glared at me before I smirked and left. I hit the ground and started running. Every time my foot hit the ground a shock of pain would come through my body. I knew I shouldn't of acted that way towards Raven, but after what she said I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I heard a scream and quickly followed the sound. "Hey, get your paws off her." I said, seeing a guy holding a girl's arm as she desperately tried to get away. She looked about 16 and he looked around 18-19. "Hey, stay outta this. It may look bad but we love each other." He growled. "She's trying to run away from you, so excuse me if I don't see true love happening between you two." I said. He looked at me with ice cold eyes, giving me slight chills. "I'll make you a deal. Let her arm go and if she runs, I'm going to get angry because you've abused her." I said, my voice full of hatred. "How did you know I abused her?" He asked (more like spat at) me. "I didn't. But I do now. And if she stays, I'll walk away like nothing ever happened." I said.

He let go of the girl's arm, giving her a cold stare before doing so. She started running, faster than I've ever seen someone run before. Adrenaline, I thought to myself. I turned toward him, eager to fight. "Just so you know, I'm not afraid of you, Blondie." He said with a smirk. "I had a feeling you weren't that bright." I said, picking up gigantic clump of earth. He froze in fear and it was my turn to smirk. "Don't hurt me!" He said fearfully. "Fine. I won't hurt you." I said, pulling out my old Titan Communicator. "Terra to Raven." I said. "What do you want traitor?" She asked coldly.

"Trouble." I said. I gave her the address, all while keeping the man frozen in fear, unable to move. "We'll be there soon." She said, her voice like ice. "What did you do?" He asked. "Hey, I said I wouldn't hurt you, and I stayed true to my word. But I did call some people who will gladly hurt you." I said, smirking as I ran off. "Terra, what is the trouble anyway?" Raven asked me. "Abusive boyfriend." I said, trying to use as few words as possible. "Isn't that a job for the police?" She asked me, obviously irritated. "He's...uh...a special case, if you will." I said and she nodded her head in understanding.

"You okay?" I asked, walking over to the girl. "I will be." She said, giving me a half smile. "So, how exactly did you pick up those gargantuan dirt clumps?" She asked. I thought I saw her eyes sparkle with hope, but it was gone in a flash. "Superpowers." I said plainly. "Wait...you have superpowers?!?" She asked excitedly. "Yeah, 28 of my friends are heroes...okay, 24 of my friend's friends are superheroes." I explained. "I'm not alone..." She whispered. "What do you mean?" I asked. "I have superpowers too, but...I kept them hidden from everyone but my adopted family." She said. "Well, what can you do?" I asked. "I'd rather not use them...I don't want anyone knowing who my parents are." She said.

"I won't tell." I said, pretending to zip my lips. She took a deep breath and turned into me. "Madame Rouge is my biological mother, and Elasti-Girl is my adopted mother." She said, growing tall. "Who's your father?" I asked. "Never knew him." She said. "How did you grow if Elasti-Girl is your adopted mother?" I asked. Gosh, I'm really nosy, I thought. "I was the lab rat for an experiment. The scientists experimented on me, not mom." She said, a look of disgust on her face. "I don't think I caught your name." I said. "I didn't have a name until I came to live with the Doom Patrol. Elasti-Girl called me Carissa while the others called me by my hero name." She said.

"Okay Carissa, what's your hero name?" I asked the girl. "Varian. It's a Latin name that means 'changeable'." She said. "So Carissa, what do you really look like?" I asked. She changed into a young girl, around the age of twelve or thirteen. She had mousy brown hair that went about to her mid-neck. She absentmindedly ran her fingers through her hair, frowning slightly. "Anything wrong?" I asked. "Hm? Oh, nothing. I donated my hair, and even though it was for a good cause I miss it." She said, a wistful look in her dark brown/black eyes. Her outfit consisted of a plain black skirt that was just above her knee and a coral see-through shirt with a leopard print cross with a black tank top under it. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and retrieved her gray ballet flat which she had lost while running.

"Did that guy know your real age?" I asked worriedly. "No, he just started flirting with me and..." Carissa said, her voice trailing off. "I've gotta go, but maybe I'll see you again soon?" I asked. "Maybe Terra, maybe." She said, confusing me. I don't think I told her my name. I cleared my thoughts and headed toward my new home.

I shut my diary and changed into pajamas, letting sleep take me at last.

I don't own Teen Titans. And yes! I finally got this done! Sorry it's so long!