Revolting Relations

Chapter 1/Part 2 ~ Snuffle Crumble

The Countess fished Vrye's finery out of his armoire. Together with Bordo they wrestled Vrye into his stays, his striped hose, his frilled garters, ample thigh padding, paisley pantaloons, linen undershirt and silver silk overshirt, violet brocade vest, cascading lace cravat, fuchsia velvet jacket with elaborate braid from collar to waist, and a pelisse in plum with lush Sasquatch fur trim. The Count then laced on his best filigree codpiece, fashioned like a singing sea-hag.

But there was more to come.

A silk belt, under a string of lapis lazuli. Bracelets and bangles of silver, onyx and sapphires. A necklace each of diamonds, pearls and aquamarine. A ring or two for each finger. A small stud in his nose, a lace of chains threaded through his long pointed ears and a crystal drape for each horn.

Vrye resisted the final piece of the royal ensemble, a thousand jewels rattling with every retreating step.

The crown. A wicked sculpture of silver horns twisted around a velvet cushion. Were he not the only one whose rare, down-turned horns could accommodate the absurd head-topper, he could have avoided this predicament. But a King needed a silly hat or he was just a fool who thought too highly of himself.

Merlo backed him into a corner and affixed it to his head, then Bordo moistened him with a puff of Odour of Ogre. A spicy bouquet of Ogre musk and matured lichen.

Satisfied with Vrye's attire, the Countess directed a leer at Bordo's stringy knickers. "You had better wear more than that, darling."

"I fear it will be tyranny once you're gone, Vrye," the Count huffed.

The Countess subjected him to equal over-dressing. Vrye could not assist, but neither could he run. He had been rendered almost immobile by the weight of his splendour and needed considerable support from Merlo to walk from his boudoir to the throne-room. Then, as he eased his overdecorated frame into his grand seat, the absence of breakfast, brunch, and lunch became terribly apparent.

"Perhaps you could find me a discreet biscuit? My anxiety is going to make my stomach gurgle, I just know it," Vrye whispered to a courtier loitering beside his throne.

"No, darling," Merlo snapped cruelly and gave him a lashing with her scowl.

The creaking of the hall's grand doors stopped Vrye's heart, but his gut did not follow suit and slipped out a mortifying squeak.

"I expected more of them," Bordo sneered as the battalion of two dozen Tyvern guards dressed in fine, white uniforms strutted in, followed by an even larger array of servants. Lithe and hornless, yet with the long noses and ears similar to Wyverkiiri. They were prettier than Vrye anticipated. But then again, he could find ample quality in the most twisted troll. There was no reason he should not be able to find the brutal, twig-like Tyvern appealing if that was all he would have for company.

Vrye's knees strained as he made a show of rising to his feet for the Lady of Darkness. But shortly after he swayed and plunged back into his throne. Not from the burden of too many jewels, nor a flush of terror. It was a swoon of sheer passion.

"Vrye! Er, Majesty. Get up!" Merlo hissed and hoisted him back onto his feet. She had a firm grip on the back of his collar to keep him upright.

"I expected I would be the one swooning first, to finally meet the great King himself," said the Lady of Darkness. "I apologise if my entourage is intimidating, they'll be dismissed once the formalities are over with."

Vrye had to concentrate to hold his gaze on the Lady and not let it wander to the stunning figure by her side. Tyvern had no business being that magnificent. Not when they dressed in a simple manner that championed natural beauty rather than the sort accessible to all, with enough squeezing and padding and powder and paint.