imagination

distance

shawn

She was just reading her pocket book. I noticed that she's been quiet lately. She barely participated in class every time her name was called. Also at lunch time, she didn't say a single word to me when we were eating together inside the classroom. She often looks through the window, gazing at the clouds in the sky. They were blue, just like how she felt. As her bestfriend, I know she wasn't okay. There was something wrong. Behind all her laughs and smiles, she's been covering up her problems and enduring the pain.

We were sitting patiently waiting for us to be dismissed. When everyone was talking to their friends, I shift my body, looking at the back where she was. She was just behind me. Her head was slightly bent because she was reading. I almost cannot see her face, I adjust my angle to see her, not making it obvious.

She shed a tear, wiping them quickly so it doesn't drop to her book. She was crying and reading at the same time. The bell rang a few minutes later. She grabs her book, standing up from her seat and tossing her bag on to her shoulder. I grab her hand before she could exit the room, causing her to flinch a bit. I met her gaze, there was a pause between us. I look through her brown orb eyes and I understood everything she felt.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I said. She shook her head, looking away.

"I-It doesn't matter." Releasing my hand from hers. She left me hanging, not knowing the reason why she was crying. She was sad, she wasn't okay and I let her be. I want to go after her, but I saw Camila, my girlfriend, waiting for me outside our classroom. When she saw me, a smile slipped on her lips.

I went to her, giving her a quick hug. "Are you alright?" She said, looking up to me.

"Of course," I fake a smile, to assure her. "Let's go, I'll bring you to your car."

She nodded. We walk through the crowded hallway, exchanging smiles with people I knew. When we passed by the lockers, it caught my attention when I saw her. She was in her locker, probably fixing her stuff and locking it afterwards. I guess Camila saw her too. I felt her hand interlocking with mine, making me uncomfortable. It was very unusual because we were in public. When she saw me, she glances at Camila and left.

"That was your bestfriend, right?" She asked. I nodded, as I was looking to where we were going. "Well, I don't like her. I don't want you getting close to other girls."

I can't take it anymore, I'm tired of Camila's bullshit. She keeps on manipulating every movement, every decision I make as if I was a child. She would always make me stay away from girls for no reason, making me avoid my bestfriend. Eventhough she was just being protective, I still love her. She is my girlfriend and I can't do anything but to obey her.

We arrived in the parking lot, and went inside her car. "Are you coming with me?" She asks, we were both sitting in the front seats.

I shook my head, "I can't. Mom is going to fetch me, I'll just wait for her."

"You sound like you're not in the mood," She sighed heavily. "What's bothering you? Tell me." Her eyes were locked with mine, I thought she was worried but not really. More like she wanted to know if something bad had happen, like a girl went near me. "Did a girl talk to you?"

"No."

"That's good." She said, leaning back in her seat. "I should be the only girl in your life, especially your mom. That's all."

Here we go again, I thought. Instead, I nodded.

I felt my phone buzzed inside of my pocket, I took a peek and checked who it was. It was her.

I have to talk to you.

Camila was busy on her phone. I type her back a text.

Why are you avoiding me? Is there something wrong? I know you're not okay.

"Who's that?" Camila said, still on her phone.

"Ohh.." Keeping my phone in the pocket. "It was mom, she said she's waiting outside."

"Okay," She stops texting. "Text me when you get home, i love you." She said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Take care, don't text while driving." I exit out of the car, closing the door from behind. I watch as Camila exits the parking.

I stood there, grabbing my phone from my pocket going through contacts. I call my bestfriend.

"Where are you?" I said.

"At our place, meet me here." And she ended the call. I walk fast, going to our place.

She was sitting under the tree. Her headphones on and reading a book. When I was standing in front of her, she looked up at me removing her headphones.

"Hey." I sat down beside her. She scoots over giving me space.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you and Camila," She starts the conversation. "I saw you two together awhile ago, but don't worry this will be quick."

I shook my head. "It's okay, she went home already." I said. "So, what's the problem?"

"I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time now. Please don't get mad or anything." Her voice was shaky, she sounded like she was going to cry. I hold her hand but she refuse to. "I need to stay away from you."

"W-What" I look at her eyes. She was starting to tear up. "Why?" I said.

"It's because. . . I like. . . you." She whispered. "I know it's wrong, because your my bestfriend and you have a girlfriend," She covers her face with her hands, her tears bursting out. "But I can't watch you standing there with another girl."

My heart shattering into pieces. I was just sitting there, watching her cry. And knowing that I was the reason for her tears. I was so stupid, I can't do anything to stop the pain.

"I-I'm sorry. . ." I whisper under my breath. I was careful for every word that I say, that's all that I said. I look down.

"Shhh. . .don't say that. It's not your fault." She said, sobbing. "I'm sorry. . .if I have feelings for you. Don't worry, Camila is there for you. She'll make you happy. Take care of her okay? Love her unconditionally."

I can't even look at her straight in the eye. Tears were streaming down on her face, she wipes it right away. I pull her close to me, hugging her tight not wanting to let her go. She hugs me too, "Thank you for everything Shawn, for being the best-est friend I've ever had." She releases from our hug, giving me a smile for the last time. She stood up, walking to the car who was waiting for her. I watch her leave.

I was left crying on my knees, "What have I done." I whisper to myself. "I'm so sorry."

She was my bestfriend as long as I can remember. She was always there for me in times when I needed someone to lean on. Especially when Camila and I would fight, she was there to comfort me. When I was sad, lonely, angry she was there too. But now she was gone, I didn't know what to do anymore.