imagination

one last time

Those long sweet morning messages he would send me, the little things he does whenever we were together, and the way he expresses his love for me. I would always watch how his lips curl up into a smile, how he wraps his arms with me to keep me safe in his, and how he leaves a warm kiss on my forehead to make me feel relieve. The way he said i love you to me before, made me feel like the happiest and luckiest girl in the world. But when he says it now, tears start to form in the corner of my eyes as I try to recover the damage it made in my heart.

The old him would never made me feel that way, but now he was just as cold as ice, and I can't seem to find the old Shawn anymore. The old Shawn who would always made me laugh until my stomach hurts, the one who would treat me like a princess, the one who made me feel like I was on cloud nine, and the one who always made me happy. I don't know what happened to him, and what he did to us. When I just look into his gaze, I discovered everything.

He felt out of love for me.

And now it's just so bitter, it was killing me. My tears were always there to answer this whole situation, even though I remind myself that it will be okay when I know it won't be. Even the littlest part of my heart would always expect him to come back, that everything with us is just a struggle that we need to work out. But my mind keeps on fighting with my heart, its slapping it with the thought that I should move on with him. I was stuck with the thought of 'I still love you, even though it hurts' and 'I'm setting you free'.

I felt my eye lids heavy and puffy now because of crying. I decided to relax my tired and stressed mind so I won't think of it anymore. I rest my body on my bed as I snuggle to my warm fluffy blanket, and lay my head on the comfortable pillow. I slowly shut my eyes and sleep all of my problems as much as I could.

I can see my dreams starting to form in my mind, and I see Shawn in it. He was with a another girl, they were in a cafe, sharing a milkshake with two straws in it. They were happy with each other, the smile that kept on escaping their lips occasionally said it all. It wasn't clear if we were together at this time, but there was another girl who came in, and she was crying. She didn't do anything, but to stand still outside of the cafe as she watches the couple happily in love with each other.

And that's where I felt a tear rolling down from my eye. From that second, the emotional girl turned out to be me. I felt my heart aching, my mind bothered me to have this feeling that there maybe a chance that it might happen, that maybe it was the reason why Shawn was being cold lately and I have to face it because he wasn't happy with me anymore.

"No, no. . ." The brokenhearted girl shook her head, as mumbled to herself. I can feel the pain transferring to me, which my made eyes fluttered open to step me out of that dream. I let out a heavy sigh, hoping that it was just a dream and it will not happen.

With that, I hear a soft knock on my door. "Are you awake?" It was Shawn. I can't face him, with the thought that anytime he would do what I imagine of. I immediately close my eyes and pretended to fall asleep. I listen to the creaks of the door, following with the footsteps of his shoes that were coming near to my bed. He sat down beside me, I felt his hand lightly tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. He didn't speak right away, but he released a soft shaky sigh. The inner me was feeling anxious and my heart was racing, I wanted to face him. it's going to happen anytime.

"I'm sorry for feeling cold these days. . ." He begins. "A loyal and caring girl like you doesn't deserve an asshole like me. We are not meant for each other, and you deserve better," I just can't let the words that he let go, sync in through my brain. I hold back the tears that were ready to fall, as I exhaled quietly.

"I'm so sorry, It's just that. . . I don't love you anymore." He said, in a low tone. I felt him standing up from my bed, he was ready to walk out from the door. Tears started to stream down on my cheeks as I stood up to get out of bed.

"Why didn't you just said it in the first place? You made me look like a fool, don't you even know that?" I said, watching his body turn to face me. "Everyday, I was hoping that everything with us will be okay, of you being cold will be okay. I didn't bother it, Shawn. I let you be like that even though it felt like a knife stabbing me over and over. I've never thought you'll be like that. . ." I whisper underneath my breath, as I let it all out. "Why are you so selfish?"

When my eyes met his, he shook his head lightly, "It's my fault, I'm sorry. . . I hope you will move on with me, and find a man who will stay by your side and will be there for you. . ." He turns back, and walks out of my bedroom. I felt the needles poking my heart, he just did that. As much I want to to shout at him and slap him right in the face, I just couldn't accept it that he just left me hanging like that.

"Do you even think it's that easy?" I shout at him, but he didn't bother to look back. As soon as he was going to open the front door, I run to him and grab his wrists, making him shift his body to me. For a split second, I let myself admire his beautiful face. I look into his hazel eyes, and the love he made me feel when we were together was nowhere to be found now.

"Can you say i love you, one last time?" I softly said, releasing a hiccup on the end. "I just want to hear you say it, even though you don't mean it. . ."

There was a pause between us. I felt his hands snaking around my neck as he pulls me closer to him, my head buried into his chest right where I can hear his heartbeat. I cherish every second, knowing that it would be the last time that he gets to hold me like this.

"I love you. . ." He mumbled to my ear, leaving a warm kiss on my forehead as he lets go of his grip from me. I watch every step he did when he shifts his body, and walked out of the door. My body froze in where I was standing, I was left with my heart shattered into pieces. I can feel my face wet because of the tears that kept on rolling down as I let myself accept the fact that he left me already.

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(a/n) i live for Lost in Japan live, it's just... I DONT KNOW HOLY SHT ITS JUST SO PERFECT K BYE DJSKADJAJ