Life poems

Maladaptive Daydreaming

I am here,

Am I really here, right now?

My body is in the present,

I can't say the same about my mind.

It is not lost, it is not here either,

It is caught in a haze.

The neptunian world is home to me,

This eerie-dreamy energy of neptune feels overwhelmingly intense to me,

A muti-faceted analysis of this phenomenon will still lack ingredients to fully describe the experience,

I want to tell you how it feels to be in my shoes.

My eyelids drop, and my mouth opens up slightly, I am fully here, but yet again so far,

I look like a drunk madman, someone who has lost his mind, but rest assured, I am not on drugs, haven't touched any my whole life, yet my mind feels drugged..

A sweet anaesthetic feeling,

Thinking is not necessary, feeling is most important,

That space where I stand is so beautiful, it is where things come to me, my personal superpower.

I don't need drugs. I don't need marijuana. I am 'high', naturally 'high' all the time.

Constructed images and movies with bits of reality intertwined together with random fantasy continuously play in my head, it feels like being at the cinema with a gentle, sweet fog or smoke all around,

I feel so vulnerable, that I can topple over at any time,

Yet so powerful, to be able to access this place, where millions of information packets circulate, oblivious to the 'normal' people around me.. And I wait to pick up on them. That time is not here yet, but it is coming. It feels natural.

A breath. A pocket of air in and out. No need to breathe slow. No need to be meditative. No need to try. Just being,

When I feel that breath, I automatically stand here, my mind fully connected to my body.

I realise I have been here all the while, at the same time accessing another 'part' of this reality. 

This is how it is. 

To have a mind that is always wandering somewhere.

And to have this deep, calm knowing, that you are always connected to your body, while still being able to travel far, far away.

This is the power of maladaptive daydreaming. I can't tell how many times I have 'zoned out' while writing this.