connections ➯ chris evans

079 ➸ GROUPCHAT

chris is a pussy boi
[ Seb Stan, A. Mackie, Liz Olsen, Pierson Fodé, Alpha Chris (Evans), Tommy Boy, ScarJo, Beta Chris (Hemsworth), RDJ, Jeremy Renner, & Paul Bettany ]

Seb Stan
Hey guys! Just here to say that
Chris is still the ultimate pussy boi!!!

Tommy Boy
can we please change the gc name?
my mom keeps looking over my
shoulder & im getting worried 😰😰

me
I second Tom's motion

A. Mackie
Shut up, pussy boi!!!!
We'll change the name when you
buck up and let Arden know
what's up. You make it so
obvious that it pisses me off that
she is too oblivious to see it.

ScarJo
I feel quarterly responsible for this & I
think their whole "fake dating" situation
is making it worse.
She is just brushing off your flirtation as
remnants of your fake relationship.
Sorry :/

Seb Stan
It's not all your fault, Scarlett.
This group chat wouldn't exist if
Chris just didn't have to go and decide
that Arden is his *~ s o u l m a t e ~*

me
Hold up. I never said SOULMATE.
I just think a real relationship with her
is something worth exploring!

A. Mackie
Still.
You got feelings.
Why couldn't you just like a normal
girl who is your own age and you haven't
faked a relationship with.

RDJ
Not even the age thing because that's
the least of our concerns in this
relationship.
What we need to do is make Arden not
think of Chris as her fake ex, but rather
as a potential bachelor for herself (&
others, but hopefully herself)

Pierson Fodé
arden isnt gonna know what hit her
when we're done.
this rv trip is gonna go down in the
history of smoothest love operations
EVER.

Liz Olsen
lol y'all forgettin that cole is back.
& if u didn't know, cole is the man who
basically holds arden's heart, whether
she knows it or not.
anyway, they're talking again & i think
cole has realized that maybe they are
meant to be more than friends...
& i don't think arden is going to disagree.
so we gotta act fast and hope for the best.

me
This blows.
Why couldn't I just stay in my lane & do
something actually productive with my life
that isn't crying over a 24 year old girl?

Beta Chris (Hemsworth)
Because you liiiikeee her
& you wanna marrrrryyy her!!!
Okay maybe not, but it happens to
everyone. And it's telling you that Arden
isn't just anyone else & it would be
a shame if you didn't at least try to see
if she could ever reciprocate those feelings.
I have faith in you, Chris!

Jeremy Renner
We all do.
Now can we all shut up so Chris can
make some moves and I can get some
sleep?

me
Thanks Chris & Dad (that feels weird but
it's a thing now).
Lets get this show on the road.